My phone buzzes.
Jasper: Are you busy tonight?
I stare at my phone, not sure whether I’m pissed or pleased. I look at Jasper just as he slips his phone into his blazer pocket and starts talking to Aiden.
I hover my finger over my phone.
This is the same problem I had yesterday, when I was walking to Jasper’s home and I was arguing with myself about whether sleeping with him was a good idea. Because on the one hand, he’s hot as fuck and there aren’t any strings attached. Who wouldn’t say no?
But on the other hand, he’s such an asshole.He did apologise, a voice in my brain reminds me.You’ve been awful to him too. But he started it.
I type out a response.
Kieran: I literally saw you yesterday.
I watch him check his phone.
Jasper: It’s a yes or no question
At that moment, Mrs Burke arrives and both of us put our phones away. While she reads out the announcements out, my mind wanders.
Part of the reason I’m hesitant to sleep with Jasper is because it feels like a surrender. Like I’m forgiving him for everything he’s done and instead rewarding him with pleasure. I’m stripping myself down to my most vulnerable state — naked and wanting him — for him.
But he’s doing the same thing. He was the one to sayplease. He was the one to suggest the arrangement. He’s the one asking for it now.
And he’s just as vulnerable and naked in bed as I am. In fact, the only time we get along is when we’re naked in bed.
Once homeroom finishes, I send a reply.
Kieran: I’ll come over at 7
*
“Hi,” Jasper says when he opens the door. His eyes fly around as he scans outside, as if any neighbours can look past his mansion’s ginormous walls, and he ushers me in.
“I, uh, did some shopping after school,” he says when we arrive in his room. I’m taken a little off guard — I expected we’d start kissing and taking our clothes off immediately, but Jasper grabs a shopping bag from his desk and brings it to me.
I take the bag and look inside. There’s two containers of lubricant and two boxes of condoms. “Do you want to have a sex marathon or something?” I ask.
“Shut up,” Jasper says, taking the bag from me and pulling the contents out. “I just didn’t know what stuff to get. I was panicking, okay? Someone from school could have walked in and seen me. Anyway, this one is water-based,” he says, reading the packaging of one lube before turning to the other, “and this one is silicone-based. So, which one should we use?”
“Why are you asking me?”
“You’re the expert here,” he says.
“They’re both fine. I think. I don’t know the difference.”
Jasper stares at me. “How do you not know?”
“I’m sure they’re both fine.” I pick up the boxes of condoms. “So, these…”
“I got them, just in case,” Jasper says, flushing. “I don’t know if we’ll actually use them…But um, this one’s latex and this one’s plastic. I didn’t know whether you’re allergic to latex, so I got both. Apparently, around 1 to 5 percent of the general population is allergic, which is a sizeable amount…”
“I’m not allergic to latex,” I say.
“Okay.” He rubs the back of his neck, eyes looking anywhere but me.
I put everything back in the bag, including the lubes in Jasper’s hands, and drop the bag to the floor. Jasper stares at me, eyes wide, and I lean forward and press a gentle kiss on his lips. “It’s good you’re organised.”
