“After what happened at the snow — I’m sure I don’t need to go into the specifics — I’ve been thinking about how we can have a mutually beneficial arrangement between us. Similar to being friends with benefits, but of course, we’re not friends. We’d be discreet. It would be easy because as you mentioned, Senior’s out of the house often. My house is also empty most of the time. In fact, it’d be better if we stuck to mine since I have the bigger bed.”
He rubs a hand against his jeans, but keeps his gaze steady. “Basically, I’m propositioning you.” He pauses, as if something has just occurred to him. “Do you know what the word proposition means?”
A second passes. Then another.
I stand up. “Get out.”
He blinks. “Pardon?”
Pardon? He’s fucking using his manners now?
I point to the door. “Get. Out.”
He stares a moment longer, two blotches of pink blooming on each cheek. “Right. Okay.” Slowly, he stands up and walks to my bedroom door. He glances at me, then away, his throat bobbing as he swallows. “I’ll let myself out.”
Once the door closes behind him, I sit down and let out a shallow, wavering breath. I cover my face with my hands, pressing fingers against my closed eyelids, until all I see is darkness. This was a blessing, I decide. It was a blessing Jasper made such a fuck-up of this.
Otherwise I might have said yes.
14
Jasper: Narcissistic Sociopath
I’ve never dreaded returning to school so much. It’s been over a week since getting rejected, which should be enough time to forget about it, but I still feel sick every time I think about it. I’m not even mad at him about what happened. I’m mad at myself, for thinking he’d be interested in me, for thinking he’d say yes, for thinking it’d be a good idea to suggest an arrangement with him, Kieran Phillips, who, if I haven’t forgotten,I hate.
Mostly, I’m mad that I’ve let my sex problem get the better of me. No one ever makes good decisions when their dick is in charge instead of their brain.
Now, it’s the morning of the first day of term three, and rain drizzles from grey clouds like honey. I take my books from my locker and walk into the library. Kieran isn’t in homeroom yet. I sigh in relief, then sit beside Curtis.
“Hey,” I say. “What’s up?”
“You look freaked out,” he comments, amused.
“No, I don’t,” I say, then slide on a smile. “How were your holidays?”
Any concern Curtis has for me disappears as he tells me about his holidays with a dreamy smile because his stories feature Liam. He mentions he had a reunion with Kennedy’s cousins, who he went on holidays with during Easter. I nod and make sounds at all the right places, not really listening.
Look at us both. He has a boyfriend. And I…I did whatever that was with Kieran.
“What about your holidays?” Curtis asks.
“They were fine. I went skiing with my granddad.”
“That sounds fun,” he says with an encouraging smile.
I don’t feel like recounting the trip, though, because I’ll think about Kieran and me in the queen bed. “Eh,” I say, with a shrug. “It was only three nights.”
Curtis gives me a look. “Okay. You seem like you’re distracted. Something bothering you?”
“Nothing!” I blurt. “Nothing.”
He gives me a small, doubtful smile. “Okay. Well, if you want to talk…”
Usually, I’d reply with something like, nah, I’m fine, thanks. But I make myself stop and look at Curtis for a few seconds. It was kind of him to say that, and I know he means it. The other guys, maybe apart from Aiden, wouldn’t say that, and if they did, they wouldn’t mean it.
“Thanks,” I say.
Something moves in my periphery, and when I look up, I see it’s Kieran, his body filling the doorway. The sight of him is a shock, like my memory of his appearance has gone blurry even after a week. His mahogany hair is wind-swept, and curls down his neck and behind his ears.
