“A compulsive liar?” Henry suggests.
“Creative,” Kaito corrects. “I trust you more than her.”
“Bros before hoes and all that,” Declan says.
They chuckle, and I sink into the bench with relief.
Declan stretches his arm. “There was an upside to what Tiana said. For a moment we thought we had proof you’d lost your V-card.” He grins.
I roll my eyes. “Jesus, Declan.”
“Alright, alright, I’m sorry,” Declan says, putting his hands up in surrender.
I laugh because the guys often joke about my virginity. They don’t know for certain if I’m a virgin, because I refuse to talk about it, even when we discuss sex all the time. Even when I was younger, I listened rather than joined in their conversations.
Maybe part of the reason I don’t talk about my virginity in particular — apart from avoiding the whole sex topic — is that I don’t know if I’m a virgin. Sure, I’ve never had intercourse. But I’ve had other kinds of sex …
My eyes slide over to Henry. His eyes catch mine, and his cheeks bloom with pink. I’m about to knock my knees against his, but I stop myself. I can’t touch him like that anymore.
“You can’t blame us for being curious, though, Noah,” Declan continues. “You’re very secretive about your love life.”
My laugh is more high-pitched than usual.
“It’s better this way, you not dating Eve,” Henry says. “Now you don’t look like a sucker.”
“A sucker?”
“Having sex with your girlfriend after you caught her cheating on you.”
“Oh yeah,” Declan says. “She was with Oliver at the party.”
“She was drunk,” I add. “Shit, people must think I’m such a loser to sleep with someone after they cheated on me.”
“Since when did you care what people thought?” Henry asks. A light breeze ruffles his hair. I remember that I’m never going to slide my fingers through his hair again.
Declan recounts cleaning Craig’s house to Kaito and Henry, and I look at the horizon of trees beyond the manicured grounds of Easton Grammar.
I force myself not to stare at Henry, but I can think about him. We’re going back to the way things were between us, but I don’t know how long I’m going to last.
I wish things were different. I wish we could be together. I wish he wanted me the way I want him. But these are all desperate daydreams.
25
Eve: This Is Bad
I arrive at my locker late, taking a detour after Maths class to swing by student reception and check the notices on the pinboard there. As I dig through my school bag for food, I calculate I have ten minutes left of recess to kill.
I could spend five minutes eating, and the remaining five reading in the library, pretending to not be a loner who lost her best friend.
When I close my locker door, Ruby’s waiting for me behind the door, and I almost have a heart attack.
“You scared me.” I clutch my chest and stare at her. I thought she was going to give me the silent treatment for a week, but she’s here. She’s not smiling, and her eyes aren’t warm, but she’s here. “Um. Hi.”
“Hi.” She hesitates. “Want to come to the canteen with me?”
I’m surprised, but I nod anyway, and we fall into step as we walk away from the locker area, like old times. And by old times, I mean last week.
“Look,” I say, “I want to apologise for what happened at the party. My memory’s a little fuzzy — and I’m not saying that as an excuse, I mean my facts might be wrong — but I heard accounts of what happened. I should have told you about Oliver. I didn’t because I knew you’d be mad, and also because I thought nothing would come of it. He’d never like me back, so what was the point? The crush would go away soon enough. They always do.”
