“Good,” he says, returning my smile. “It wasn’t a disaster. I knew he wouldn’t care, but I’m still so relieved.”
“Aw, Noah.” I lean over and give him a quick hug. “I’m so happy to hear that.”
His smile is wide.
For the rest of class, that smile remains in my mind, and his happiness blooms inside me, mixing with my happiness. That sounds crazy and mushy, but it’s true. I love being his friend.
As soon as I think that, though, icy fear rushes over me. I can’t let go of the idea of a pretend breakup. Or an actual friendship breakup — if we didn’t talk at all. If we didn’t just avoid each other at school, but also after school. If we no longer had our walks or runs or movies or TV shows or text messages.
It would be different for Noah. He has heaps of friends. It wouldn’t affect him as much if I were no longer his friend.
But for me … I’d be heartbroken if I lost him.
I push those thoughts away. Emotions are gross, and now I sound clingy.
24
Noah: We Didn't Have Sex
After Maths, I take my time putting my books away because I know what Declan and Kaito are going to say to me—
“Noah!”
A second after I Declan’s booming voice, he slaps my back. I wince — not because the slap hurts, but because I know the conversation we’re about to have will be painful.
“The wild things I’ve heard aboutyou.”
“They’re all lies.” I close my locker without taking my recess food out. I haven’t been hungry since the party.
We wait for Henry and Kaito by a nearby Humanities classroom, avoiding the stream of Year 11s passing through the lockers. Declan talks about how he spent the rest of the weekend cleaning up the mess left after the party.
Declan and I haven’t talked since he texted me last night. In fact, I haven’t talked to any of the guys. I arrived at school late and hid in my homeroom where I kept to myself, and in Maths, I avoided Henry’s eyes.
Kaito and Henry arrive, Kaito smiling, Henry’s expression hard to read. He seems happy, but I don’t want to believe that. I want him to feel as terrible as I do.
When he catches me staring, I look away.
“Did you guys hear what people are saying about Noah?” Declan asks as we walk past classrooms towards our usual table.
“Let’s not talk about it,” I say.
“Is this the same as Tiana was telling me?” Kaito asks.
“That you got a piece of Knightly’s ass,” Declan says. “Right after the party.”
“No,” I say.
“Now, you can’t lie and pretend that you and Knightly are friends,” Kaito says, ignoring me.
We arrive at the line of wooden tables and chairs by the oval and take our usual one. Declan sits opposite me, and Henry beside me. I slump into the chair. I have no energy, no fuel to even try to get annoyed at Declan. If I were in his position, I’d be saying the same things. That’s what we do.
“That didn’t happen,” I say. “We didn’t have sex. We never had sex.”
The boys stare at me — Declan and Kaito look incredulous, but Henry knows the truth.
“It’s true!” I say.
“Tiana says she saw you both,” Kaito says after a moment.
