I nod. “See you, Eve. It was … good to talk to you.”
“I appreciate you getting my name right.”
“Don’t thank me for basic decency,” I say as we wave goodbye. When I turn away, I glance at my watch and increase my pace — I need to shower and get changed before dinner. The sun is lowering, casting the world in bright orange.
My body feels light, and I don’t think it’s the endorphins from running. It’s like when I mow the lawn and get so used to the growl of the lawnmower so that when it turns off, the quiet is shocking. My secret is like that — and now that I’ve told someone do I realise how heavy it is.
The anxiety that gathered in me throughout the day unfurls. I don’t know if it’s naïve or silly, but I trust Eve to not say anything. And the way she reacted gives me hope that if one day everyone found out about me, it wouldn’t be a total disaster.
5
Eve: Like-Like
In homeroom the next day, I see an email from Noah in my inbox, sent last night at 10:27. There’s no subject line. How do people send emails without subject lines?
I check my other emails first, like every other morning, killing time until my homeroom teacher arrives. Despite Ruby and I chatting by the lockers until the first bell, I’m always the first one in my homeroom.
I glance through the window where several Year 11s stand around, having ignored the bell. Kaito and Tiana laugh, leaning against the lockers. John, Richard and Howard talk while inspecting a downball. Isra and Jasmine gossip as they walk to the bathroom.
I turn back to my computer and finish reading my other emails, about homework and extra-curricular activities, before opening Noah’s email.
It’s a screenshot of his maths test result, 60%, posted on the grades portal. Mr Patterson has always been a fast marker, so I’m not surprised the results were up the same day as the test.
There’s a short message under the screenshot.
Noah: Not bad. Thx for letting me pass.
I did not LET you pass,I write. Realising that sounds a little rude, I add another word.Congrats.
In first period Literature, a notification pops up on my computer screen as I was researching the life of Sylvia Plath.
Noah: I also wanted to show u that I barely benefitted from cheating. Ur handwriting is tiny.
Eve: Is that meant to make me feel better?
Noah: Yes. What did u get?
Eve: I’ll check now.
I’m obsessed with my grades, but I hate looking at them. I log into the portal, and as always, fear crawls into my stomach. I’m always worried that I didn’t do as well as I thought I did, but when I find my result, my fear dissolves and I manage a smile.
Eve: I checked. It was good.
Noah: What is it?
Eve: It was 100%
Noah: How is it possible to get 100???
Eve: It’s not that difficult. Maths isn’t my strong suit, I just know how to study.
Noah: Ur being humble at this point. If u get 100%, maths is ur strong suit.
Eve: I’m not. Anyone can do it.
Noah: Sure, sure haha.
I realise I’m smiling and stop. People will think I’m psychotic if they think I’m smiling at Sylvia Plath’s life.
