Kennedy shrugs, then gestures at the machine. "Want me to make you one?"
"Thanks," I say, standing there and watching her make me a coffee, shifting on my feet. "So."
"So," Kennedy echoes as she finishes with my coffee. She passes the light-brown drink to me. I take a sip. The perfect ratio of milk and sugar.
"Are the cousins already up?" I ask.
Kennedy leans on the kitchen counter. "Yeah, they've gone on their run," she says. "I don't know how they do it."
A quick smile flies on my lips before disappearing. "How are you?"
She brings her coffee mug down, holding it with two hands. "As well as you can expect. I didn't expect the holidays to turn out like this."
I nod.
"You know what he told me?" Kennedy asks.
My heart jumps.
"He said that he liked someone." She puts her cup on the counter so she can gesture with her hands. "And something happened between them. He didn't go into detail. Not that I wanted to know what it was, anyway. I bet it was a girl from his Accounting class. I bet they sent him a nude or something —"
Her voice cuts off when she catches sight of my face. "Liam?" Her face shutters. "You already knew this."
I put my cup on the counter too. "I… I need to talk to you."
She lets out a low breath. "I've heard that phrase way too many times in the past few days. What is it? Did Curtis confide in you? Did you know he wanted to break up with me?"
I shake my head. "No, not that." I rub the back of my neck. How the hell am I meant to begin?
"Well, then what?" Kennedy demands when I haven't spoken. "I'm so sick of being the last to know."
"To preface, you're going to hate me. And I deserve that."
Kennedy blinks, surprised to hear I've done something wrong. As if she wasn't serious about the suggestions she gave before. "Curtis?"
"Should we sit down?" I say. "I think we should."
Kennedy doesn't answer for half a minute, her eyes appraising me as if trying to tease the secret out of my appearance alone. "Okay."
We walk to the living room, and she sits on one end of the couch and I sit on the other. We sit up with our legs crossed, facing each other, the way we have for ages. I want to pull Kennedy into a hug. Instead, I keep my space.
"It's a long story," I say, once we're both in our positions and I can't put it off anymore. "Well, not that long. It only started on this holiday. More specifically, like a week ago…" I'm babbling and I don't know how to stop. I take a deep breath. "Um. But at some point, I realised I kind of — that I liked Curtis. In not a friend way," I say.
Kennedy pales.
"And, um, I didn't tell you because… well, of course, I didn't want to tell you because he was your boyfriend, but also I thought it would go away. That it was just a tiny crush. And then, um… you two broke up. And then you and Bonnie and Erin went to Melbourne, and we were alone."
Kennedy shakes her head, eyes frozen on me.
I bite down on my lip and force myself to continue. "And on the second night, we… it was my fault, a hundred percent all my fault."
"What happened?" she forces the words out.
"I kissed him."
I can't bear to see Kennedy's reaction, so I look around the room as if trying to find inspiration for something to make this conversation better. But there's nothing.
When I look at Kennedy, she's got a throw pillow in her lap and she picks at a thread. Her voice is toneless, and she doesn't look at me. "What else happened?"
