"You don't have to tell me."
"No, it's not that," I say, pausing by the door. "I just… I'll tell you later," I finish. I glance at him a final time, sitting there on the floor with his long legs out in front of him, before turning away and closing the door.
I meet Kennedy at the front door and pull on my shoes. Silently, we leave the house and weave through the front yard and onto the street. The sun has started to set, turning the clouds pink and purple. It's beautiful, especially when paired with the view of the ocean and the sound of waves crashing in the distance. A light breeze rustles the green shrubs that grow along the path.
"Is everything okay with you and Bonnie and Erin?" I ask.
Kennedy shrugs. Her mouth has been a grim straight line since we left, and the cold has stained her cheeks light pink. She's beautiful, but I think she's beautiful the way a movie star is beautiful. Or the way a stranger is beautiful. "There's been a change of plans." She doesn't elaborate further.
We reach a wooden staircase and walk down it until we step onto the sand. The wind picks up, pinching my skin.
"We should walk over there," I say, pointing to the sand that is darker with moisture. "It'll be firmer under our shoes."
Kennedy nods, and we walk across the damp sand, leaving shallow footprints.
"We should talk about what happened today," she says.
I nod but don't speak for another minute.
"We should," she continues, then inhales a wavering breath. "We should break up. Shouldn't we?"
The words make me take a step back, but I quickly recover. Kennedy catches it though and narrows her eyes at me.
"Isn't that what you wanted?" she says.
"I… I suppose."
"You suppose?"
"I don't know," I admit.
She stares at me before walking off, and I have to catch up with her.
"What do you want?" I ask her.
"I want to be in a relationship where my boyfriend wants to be with me," she says, then looks at me expectantly.
"I want the best for the both of us," I say. "You know how I feel when I said it all this afternoon. But you didn't get a chance to speak. What do you think about us?"
It takes her a few seconds to respond. "I don't know."
That's surprising — Kennedy always has an opinion on everything. Then again, I don't know either. I don't want to make hard decisions or have difficult conversations. A tiny part of me wishes I could take everything back and continue with the relationship without rocking the boat.
But I know I have to outgrow that part. That part likes this to be comfortable, wants to please everyone else, even at the detriment of what is right, or what I feel.
"I was content with our relationship," Kennedy says. "You're right. It wasn't serious or going to go anywhere. Not that people our age need serious relationships, but…" She digs a foot into the sand and wet sand sprays around her foot before she continues. "It was fun, spending time together, but… maybe we're not the most compatible."
I nod.
We walk for a couple of minutes more, and I look at the veined stone of the cliffs. Above us, seagulls fly in circles and caw. I wipe my palms on my pants. They've been clammy since I left the attic bedroom. I go through everything that has happened today — from the moment I woke up, still tired from the night before. Kennedy and me in the master bedroom. I couldn't concentrate, and it wasn't only because of Kennedy and my relationship. I kept thinking about him.
Then Erin arrived at the door. The five of us at the table. Liam and I in the bedroom, talking. The sadness I felt when I thought he had been pretending. The way my body felt light when he said he wasn't, and I could read in his expression that he was telling the truth.
I think about the other question I asked him.
The wind picks up and both of us cross our arms to keep our bodies warm. "I guess this is it," Kennedy says, looking ahead.
"Yeah." I stop and Kennedy stops, and we look at each other. "I want to still be friends," I say. "If you don't hate me."
