Liam: Because I wanted to.
Curtis: I mean, even if I wanted to kiss someone, I'd be scared to do it. I wouldn't have kissed you, even if I wanted.
Liam: So what are you asking?
Curtis: Didn't you hesitate at all? Or are you that brave?
Liam: Ohhh okay, I understand now. No, I'm not that brave. I think I kissed you because a part of me thought you wanted me to.
Liam: Because I thought it wouldn't be a disaster. That you'd kiss me back. Then again, I didn't think. I just did it.
Curtis: Okay.
Curtis: I wish I could kiss you now.
Sometimes I type without thinking because it's easier to be honest through messages than in person. I hold my breath for a second, then release, because Liam isn't scary. I trust him.
Liam: Curtis.
Curtis: I know.
*
On a Thursday afternoon, after homeroom, I wait amongst the crowd of fellow Year 12s to leave the library and head to class. Behind me, I hear Jasper chewing the new kid, Kieran out for something, and Kieran's rolling his eyes. In homeroom, they've stopped sitting together — instead, Jasper sits with me, and Kieran sits at the back with his arms crossed.
The crowd of students inches towards the door and I bring the books in my hand closer to my body so I'm taking up less space. Someone moves in front of me, and I'm cursing people for not following the rules of waiting in line when I see that it's Kennedy.
Feeling me watching her, she glances behind with an apologetic smile, which fades when she sees it's me. This is the first time I've stood next to her in ages. I'm close enough to see the sharp edges of her winged liner.
We look away from each other, but when she walks through the library doors she holds one open for me.
"Thank you," I say.
"That's okay," she says. "I pushed in front of you, after all," she says after a moment.
We walk in sync, both heading towards English class. I wonder if I should slow down so it doesn't look like I'm trying to walk with her.
"That's okay," I say.
"Well. I remember you hated that."
I nod. Up ahead is our English classroom, far enough for me to squeeze in an apology, as long as Kennedy doesn't walk away.
"Kennedy, about what happened —"
She shakes her head and gives me a withering look. "Curtis, it's been almost a month. I'm over it."
"But—"
"I mean, hearing you grovel might seem like it'd be gratifying, but honestly, I think it would depress me. Let's not talk about it."
My eyes pass over the cloudy sky above us. The weather forecast says it'll be a rainy couple of days soon.
"Are you sure?" I ask.
"When have I not been sure?" she asks, before giving me a half-smile to lighten the mood.
All I do is nod in response. What does this mean? Is Kennedy telling the truth? Because if so, would she be okay with Liam and me —
