‘I know. I get it.’ What I do not get is why he’s here now.
‘Anyway… It’s done.’
I wasn’t expecting that. ‘What do you mean?’
‘I’ve sent her off to her parents for Christmas. I told her last night she could have today with Bea. And I told her the best she can hope for going forward is a long process whereby she slowly wins back Bea’s trust by doing the absolute basics of parenting: showing up.’
‘But—but what about you and her?’
He gives a little laugh. ‘There is no me and her. We’re divorced, remember?’
‘I know, but?—’
I thought she broke your heart. I thought you would be overcome with desire and love after seeing her in all her glossy-skinned, bouncy-haired glory again.
‘But what?’
‘I thought you’d want her back. Once you saw her.’
Now his laughter is genuinely amused. ‘Oh, no, baby. I was glad to be rid of her. She’s a fucking narcissist.’
My eyes widen in disbelief.
‘I’m not exaggerating. All my heartbreak has always been for Bea. I’ve been so devastated on her behalf that it’s like I’ve been managing both our grief. But I have no intention of going anywhere near that woman, aside from in a co-parenting context, if I can possibly help it.’
‘Really?’ The light that’s been missing is filling me up again, shining its rays through my body, erasing the heaviness that’s pulled at my heart these past days. ‘But… does she not want you back?’
‘Really, baby.’ His hand goes to cup my cheek and oh, Lord. Relief floods through my body. ‘I think she wants me back on some level, but the only person Allegra cares about is herself. She liked being a couple with me, in the society pages at least. I suspect she thought the press would eat it up if she was back on my arm. But I made it very clear I wasn’t interested.’ He pauses, takes my hand. His other hand continues to stroke my cheek. ‘I told her I was in love with you.’
Those amazing brown eyes fix on mine as I jolt at his words. Words that may just be the best Christmas present I’ll ever get in my life. That cause a rush of goosebumps to break out down my arms, over my entire body. I can’t deny the stab of hope I felt when he showed up at my door, but a declaration of love is a bolt from the blue.
‘You’re in love with me?’ I grip the hand holding mine for dear life.
‘I am.’ His eyes are shining with amusement and something else.
Oh.
Love.
That’s what I see.
‘Oh my God. Wow. Well.’ I make a supreme effort to rally. ‘That’s quite handy because I’m pretty sure I’m in love with you, too.’
‘Pretty sure.’ His mouth twitches. ‘That’s a good start, I suppose.’
‘No, I mean—I’ve been fighting my feelings for you, because I didn’t think this could amount to anything. I thought I was living in fantasyland, being with you. That I’d get cast aside at some point. But if you’re telling me I’m actuallyallowedto be in love with you, then yep. I’m there. I love you.’
His mouth moves softly over my temples, my forehead, my cheeks. Inhaling me. Adoring me. My eyelids flutter in delight.
‘I do owe Allegra a thank you, actually. I knew I had strong feelings for you—I mean, I knew this was more than just being madly in lust with you—which I am, in case that hasn’t been obvious. But it was seeing her again at close quarters, and not being able to avoid the contrast with you, that made me realise I loved you.
‘She is so fucking toxic, and self-obsessed, and you, my darling, are the complete opposite. You’re a breath of fresh air,and you bring light to everyone you touch, and you’re so selfless. And I think you love my daughter more than you love me. And that’s okay. I’ll settle for second place. I just want to make you as happy as you make everyone else. Because you deserve that. So, so much.’
This man and his words and his kindness. God, when he lets his guard down it’s a joy. I interlock my hands behind his head and bend my forehead to his. ‘I mean, Bea’s a lot cuter than you. But I love you more. I love you so much.’
He frowns, eyes squeezed shut, as if he can’t handle my words. And when he looks at me again, it’s dimples.
Glorious man.
