But they’re hand in hand, beaming at each other, and the happiness on Bea’s face—on both their faces—makes my eyes prick. Just in case I was in danger of getting drunk on my pity party for one, here’s the perfect reminder that Allegra’s return has made one of my favourite human beings perfectly happy.
Another message pops up from Clodagh.
The wife is back???
I sigh and hit the Call icon. Clodagh answers immediately.
‘What the fuck is going on? Is that seriously the wife?’
‘Yeah.’
‘What? I can hardly hear you. Speak up. What’s going on, Sorsh?’
Ugh. ‘She turned up yesterday. She was there when Bea and I got home from seeing Santa. And listen to how freaky this is. Bea wrote her letter to Santa yesterday and asked for her mummy. Isn’t that weird?’
‘That’s seriously weird. So she just turned up out of the blue? What did Miles say?’
‘Not a huge amount. I could tell he was pretty tense about the whole thing.’ Pressure builds behind my eyes. ‘Um. He told me I should take a few days off and he’d call me after Christmas. Said he needed time to work through stuff with Allegra, that he owed it to Bea.’
‘Fuuuuuuck.’ There’s a groan in Clodagh’s voice. ‘That stupid bitch. I can’t believe she had the nerve to show her face after what she did. Why the hell has she come sniffing around again—why can’t she just leave them the fuck alone?’
‘The thing is. You should have seen Bea’s face when she saw her mum.’ I don’t trust my voice to rise above a whisper. ‘She wassohappy, Clo. This is a dream come true for her. Her Christmas has been made.’
‘That’s very cute. She sounds like a little dote. But where does this leave you? Did he say?’
‘Not really, no. He just kissed me on the cheek before he went back upstairs and wished me Merry Christmas.’
‘Ugh. Fuck’s sake. The cheek peck of doom. I’msosorry, Sorsh. Jesus, this is beyond shite for you.’
‘Thanks.’ I drop my head into my free hand. My shoulders begin to shake with sobs. I could really use a hug from my youngest sister right now.
‘She looks gorgeous. Is she?’
‘She is.’ I sniff. ‘I mean, she’s stunning. But she’s very glossy. High maintenance. It’s funny; Miles said he didn’t date because he only attracted high maintenance women. I got the impression he wasn’t so keen on that. But this one stepped off a plane looking like a supermodel. She’s definitely not low maintenance.’
‘Well, it sounds like he’s a glutton for punishment. If he doesn’t know what he has in you, Sorsh, he doesn’t deserve you.’
‘Very helpful, thanks. Come here, will you tell Mam and Dad? Tell them I’ll give them a call in a few days? I just can’t face the inquisition right now.’
‘I will, but why wouldn’t you hop on a plane and come home? You know we’d all look after you. It won’t be the same without you tomorrow—I’ll die of boredom.’
I tense. ‘I can’t do it, Clo. It’s too depressing. I’d be like this Bridget Jones cliché, lying in my childhood bed, eating Quality Street. It feels too much like failure. I’d rather stay here. Honestly. I was always going to spend Christmas Day with the girls, and we have a party tonight, and tomorrow’s menu all planned, and we went big on the Lidl prosecco offer last week, so we’re grand. I’ll be grand.’
‘Hmm.’
‘Hmm what?’
‘You just want to be close to him, don’t you? In case he changes his mind.’
‘Oh, fuck off.’
That’s the thing about my sister. She knows me far too well.
CHAPTER 32
Saoirse: Friday 24 December
Iknow what Keeley’s been doing this afternoon. She’s been keeping me occupied. Distracting me while the rest of them finish up their last day of work. And, of course, taking advantage of the fact that my preferred mode when I’m upset is over-functioning. We have a gang coming over for drinks tonight, and for a big Christmas dinner tomorrow, and a stack of chores to cover.
