‘I just wanted to say.’ He clears his throat. ‘I’m enjoying this very much. Being with you, that is.’
A tiny spark of panic hits me in the stomach. I’m not sure if there’s anandor abutcoming next.
‘Me too.’ I trace his cupid’s bow with my finger.
‘It’s a bit of an odd situation.’ He shifts a little. ‘I haven’t dated anyone since Allegra… left. I assumed I would wait a good while before introducing anyone to Bea. But obviously, she knows you, and adores you, which is great. It makes it easier, but also… I feel I should tread carefully. I’m not really sure what I’m saying.’
He rubs his hand across his mouth, and I lean in to kiss his cheek.
‘It’s okay. Don’t stress. We can take our time, see how things go.’
‘I want to do right by her. But I also want to do right by you. And I want to keep seeing you. Very much. So as long as you don’t mind us being careful around Bea, I want to get you to myself as much as possible before we go away.’
Before they go away.
Of course.
It hits me like a punch to my stomach. They’re going away in less than a fortnight, and I’ll be left here. Unemployed, alone, and devastated.
‘Don’t worry.’ My voice is small. ‘I know how things are. How long are you away for, again?’
‘A month. My house should be finished by the end of January. It makes sense to do a long trip this year, before Bea starts school and we’re tied into a strict schedule.’
A month. Ugh. An image hits me.
Miles on a white beach.
Stretched out on a sun lounger.
Baking his hard body.
‘Of course it does.’ This is not his fault. There’s no point in making him feel bad—or being needy and making him run a mile. ‘Look, we’ve been together for twenty-four hours. You don’t owe me any promises, Miles.’
‘I know. But it still feels shitty.’ He sighs heavily and strokes my hair off my face. ‘Do you think you’ll still be in London in February? How did you even get a work visa, anyway? I thought they’d be a nightmare after Brexit?’
‘Don’t tell anyone. I have an English grandad.’
He gasps theatrically. ‘That must be a stain on your family tree.’
‘Tell me about it. But it’s handy for visas. So, yeah, I’ll probably be here. As long as I can find some work. I can’t afford to stay otherwise. I’ll chase Siobhan after Christmas, but it’s more likely I’ll try to find some nannying work, or a job in a nursery.’
‘Okay.’ He kisses my hair. ‘We’ll work something out.’
‘You and Bea are doing great, Miles. But you’ve been through a lot. I wouldn’t expect you to jump into somethingwith me—or anybody—without giving it some thought. So don’t worry. I’m not holding you to anything.’
It’s freezing. I snuggle in closer and slip my hands under his jacket. His body is warm and gorgeous.
‘I appreciate that. Very much. You cold?’
‘Yup.’
‘Stay here for a minute. I’ll run us a hot bath. I have ways to warm you up.’
CHAPTER 26
Saoirse: Saturday 18 December
By the time I hit Miles’ bathroom, he’s run a full bubble bath in the gorgeous tub, found and lit masses of tea lights in glass votives, and put Bing Crosby on the speakers. And best of all, he’s already in his boxers. Surely life can’t top this moment?
