A tear leaked out of the corner of my eyes, but I didn’t acknowledge it. I couldn’t be bothered with it.
My feelings for Charlie were suddenly out in the open. Things that had been bottled up for years and years had been dumped out on the floor of my heart, accidentally spilled, or purposely emptied. And I was left gasping for breath because I didn’t know how potent they were. How strong and consuming and sharp.
Oh my God, I didn’t know I cared for him this much. I didn’t know I felt so strongly. Had needed this so badly. Wanted this so completely.
And now what? I’d agreed to a relationship with this man. I’d told him yes to everything he’d demanded.
But how could anyone survive feelings this intense?
How could one heart hold this much... this much... fuck, I didn’t know what word to use.
He pulled back eventually to look at me, and I stupidly realized I hadn’t leaked one tear; I’d leaked a goddamn river of them.
“Are you okay?” he murmured, his finger reverently tracing a line of tears down my temple.
I nodded. My stupid chin trembled. I cried harder. I hated my tear ducts. They were actually trying to sabotage me.The bastards.
“Then why are you crying?”
I realized I had become one of those people who cried after sex. So the only thing left to do was throw myself out the window. Goodbye, pretty loft. Goodbye, happy life. Goodbye, stable boyfriend I’d had for less than an hour.
“I’m happy,” I told him in a whisper so my voice didn’t betray me too. “I think I’m really happy.”
His face lit with the most beautiful smile I’d ever seen. “Ada, you don’t cry ever. Let alone when you’re happy.”
I shook my head. “I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy before. It’s uncharted territory. So my body is being stupid.”
“Your body is perfect. Tears and all.” Then he kissed them away, and I could feel his gentle smile the entire time.
After another long while, he pulled back again and held his hand out to me. “I’m spending the night,” he announced. “In case you’re confused.”
“You already told me,” I said, finally getting a hold on my traitorous feelings. “Big spoon. You promised.”
He stood and pulled me with him. We stood at the edge of my bed with our arms wrapped around each other like we couldn’t let go for a second.
“I did promise,” he agreed. “And it’s not one I’m willing to break.”
We cleaned up and dressed in as little clothes as possible. He only had his underwear, and I found a tank and some undies that were a little more substantial than what I’d worn earlier. We crawled back into bed together, under the milky moonlight, in the loft he’d given up for me. And he kept his promise.
He held me against him the whole night. And in the morning, he rolled me on my back and reminded me how good he was at being a boyfriend. Then he held me again. And kissed me again. And my heart became something more than it was the night before. Something more solid. Something more whole.
Something that didn’t belong to me anymore.
eighteen
The following Sunday afternoon,I dragged Charlie with me to Adleigh’s. She didn’t know Charlie was coming with me, but I hoped he would be a pleasant addition to dinner with Dad.
One thing about Charlie, he could talk to anybody. He was going to upgrade all future parties for me or any situation where small talk was involved. I’d be able to introduce him to anyone who tried to talk to me and then fade into the background while he did his extrovert thing.
It was amazing.
And one of the many perks of being in a relationship. Which was still fucking weird.
As the week progressed, we’d kept our groping to a bare minimum at work—aka made sure no one was around before we attacked each other like horny bunnies in the walk-in, supply closet, and once... the girls’ bathroom—I’d had to face the facts that Charlie had somehow convinced me to give him everything he wanted. Which was me and a big, old, committed relationship.
Oh! There was also last Thursday, when we’d been the last two at the bar and figured out other uses for my desk.
God, he was so hot.
