Chris:That sounds wonderful. I’ll make it work for you. Pick the time and place.
I didn’t like how he said “he’d make it work,” so I started to type a response that put choosing the day and time in his court, and then if I had to turn him down every single time because I was working, then so be it. But Adleigh put a gentle hand on my shoulder and shook her head.
“He said he’d make it work for you, Ade. Believe him.”
“Fine.” I sighed. “But I’m going to ask him if you can come.”
“Only if you want to,” she said evenly, although I could hear the building anticipation in her voice. This was her dream right now. Her whole family in one place. If only Mom could fly up from Florida, and they could fall in love again on the spot and reconcile and live happily ever after.
I felt more than a little nauseous. And I felt as though I was betraying Mom. He didn’t just leave me. He left her.Why does he think he can come in using Buttercup and Baby Girl as if he still loves me? As if no time has passed? What does Mom think? She might forgive Adleigh because she doesn’t know better. But would she forgive me?
I looked back at her. “Is he an alcoholic or anything? Sober? I don’t want to meet him at a place that will set him back.”
“I don’t know,” she admitted. “We met for coffee. He didn’t say anything, but he did order his black.”
“Um, okay. That’s not really helpful, but...”
“Just do coffee. Don’t make this harder than it already is.”
Sage advice from my little sister.
Me:Do you care if I invite Adleigh?
I sent him the website of a local coffee shop and a question mark.
Chris:Place looks great. Two? I’ll leave inviting your sister up to you.
Even though he’d said I could pick the time and place, he’d already done that. He was already breaking promises.
Ada, play nice...
Me:Sure. Sounds great. See you then.
Chris:Can’t wait to see you, Ada.
I let the conversation end there. That was good enough for me. I threw my phone again and burrowed back into the plush couch. That had been a lot for me. I felt like weeping.
My little girl voice yelled, “Daddy, come back!”in my head on repeat, and it was all I could do not to lose it. Adleigh wouldn’t have cared. She would have been very understanding—if not initially freaked out—and stayed all day to make sure I was all right.
But I couldn’t face that kind of shame. And what was more, I didn’t want to admit to that kind of heartache. I didn’t want to relive the worst of my memories with her. Not when she was this optimistic. This hopeful.
“You did it!” Adleigh squealed, climbing over the back of the couch and plopping down next to me. She put her arms around my waist and laid her whole body against mine. “I’m proud of you, Ade.”
“You should be proud of yourself,” I told her. “You’re the only reason any of this is happening.”
“Oh, I’ll definitely take the credit. I can’t wait to tell you I told you so.”
My heart ached, like the fist of foreshadowing had closed tightly around it. “I can’t wait for that either.” But I could barely speak the words because I knew they were a lie. The past mingled with my present, and all I wanted to do was protect Adleigh from what would happen next.
Except I couldn’t. I couldn’t shield her from this. She wouldn’t let me.
She’d have to learn the hard way. And I knew,I just knew, the hard way would break us both this time.
* * *
By the time Adleigh left my apartment, I had an hour to get ready for work, drink a cup of coffee, and get my thoughts back into the carefully organized filing cabinets I usually kept them in. Adleigh and I had a lovely day together—Shane free. It was so nice to have my sister to myself. But her thoughts about our dad and the looming commitment to coffee with him had unsettled me.
So instead of washing my hair or spending time on my makeup, I did the one thing I knew would ground me. I called my mom.
