Argh. I wanted to grab one of his two pillows and slam it over my face. Or crawl under his bed and never come out.
But also, he really had blamed it on Will. He’d invoked the bro-code. So there had to be more than his loyalty to my parents.
“You said you promised Will you’d never touch me,” I growled at him.
The planes of his cheeks turned red. “Okay, yes, I did do that. But I only told you that so I didn’t embarrass you.”
Thoughtful? Or pigheaded? I was struggling to decide. “So you didn’t promise Will you’d never touch me?”
“Oh, I definitely did. Swore it up and down.”
My mouth dropped open.
His mouth split into a cocky grin. “But in my defense, they could tell I was into you. It was getting harder and harder to stop drooling around you. I would make up excuses to take you with us. Stupid things like, we might need a sober driver. Or we can make Eliza order the food for us. Or, I don’t know, a hundred other things to get you to join our fun. Your brothers aren’t total idiots. They could tell I was falling fast. So they made me swear I would never date you. And because I was stupid enough to think they could somehow keep you from me, I did what they asked.”
My mouth closed, and I made an outraged squeak.
“If our age difference hadn’t been such an issue, it wouldn’t have been a big deal. I would have been happy to break my promise to Will.” His blue eyes shifted back to gray. But I knew this time it wasn’t for me. It was sadness for a lie that never had to happen. It would have killed Jonah to be dishonest with Will. And part of me wondered if his strong emotions for how the story would have gone were strengthened in my favor because of time. Back then, it would have been a much harder choice than he was giving it credit for.
But none of that was important because it had never come to that.
“I wanted to explain that to you back then, Eliza. I did... I mean, I was terrified and insecure back then too. But I would have figured it out. Except you weren’t bothered at all by what happened. I thought we were... I thought my feelings for you were... reciprocated. And when they weren’t—”
“What do you mean weren’t? I was head over heels for you, Jonah. You shattered my heart. Destroyed it, actually. I thought I would never recover.”
“You didn’t say that.” He looked genuinely perplexed. “You didn’t say any of that. You just seemed... fine.”
“I wasn’t.”
“But you never cried or anything. You didn’t even avoid me. You made it seem like all you had ever wanted was friendship.”
I rolled my eyes. Were boys always this obtuse? Wait, I didn’t need to answer that question. I knew the answer. “It’s called self-preservation. I thought it would be weird if I started sobbing hysterically every time you came over. And then you were trying to keep it a secret from Will, so crying would only cause questions. You were so worried about him finding out that I thought... it would be better if I just got over it. As much as it killed me, I needed to figure out how to friend-zone you so I didn’t lose you completely.”
His hand squeezed my side, and he kissed the corner of my eye. Which I was surprised to find was wet with tears. “You got over me to protect me?”
“I knew how important my family was to you. I didn’t want you to lose Will’s friendship because I’d been an idiot.”
His face softened so intensely I thought my heart might actually jump outside my body and run away. “Eliza, I broke your heart, and you were worried about my friendship with Will? How are you this amazing? This selfless?”
“I did it for you,” I clarified. “Not Will.”
He smiled, and it was blinding in the best way. But then his smile died, and he held my gaze with those eyes I loved so much. “I’ve been waiting ten years to hold you like this again... to kiss you. There have been a hundred times over the last decade where I thought if you just gave me one hint, one sign... I’d just go for it. But you’re a very good friend. The best, actually. And I could never seem to risk losing you if you really weren’t into me.”
“Did you really not know?”
“I hoped,” he breathed, and it sounded pained. “I mean, I couldn’t not hope. But I also never wanted to hear you tell me that you thought of me as a brother. Or that we were weird. So yeah, as much as I wanted this”—he gestured back and forth between us, then landed his hand on my side and squeezed again—“I wasn’t willing to risk losing you.”
“So what changed your mind?”
He thought about what he was going to say for a second. Not that he was making something up or struggling to come up with an answer though. It was more like he wanted to say this exactly right. “It was Lola. I saw how happy Will was with a woman he truly cared about. I saw him release his hold on the bar and all the other things he obsesses over and choose her instead. And I just thought... I just knew I couldn’t be friends with you forever. One day you would meet someone. One day, you would find someone. And if I didn’t at least shoot my shot then... then I might never know.”
Had my mom gotten him alone and had the talk with him too? But seriously, I thought about the day he came into my office all mad about Will and Lola. Was that the reason? He thought Will was getting something he would never have?
I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer to me. “Well, you might have taken your sweet time, but I’m glad the wait is over. I’ve wasted years of my life not kissing you, Jonah. I plan to spend however long it takes to catch up.”
“Dear God, please let it be at least ten years,” he murmured against my jaw.
I pulled back, surprised again at his plea. “You’re serious?”
