“All of them.” She sighed. “Except for maybe Olympics curling or something. I can get on board with a bunch of dads taking a guys’ drinking trip that also happens to end in gold medals.”
I laughed, but my mom stayed focused. “We were just talking about where Jonah and Eliza were last night.”
“Mom!”
Lola perked up. “I was right. This is way more interesting than sports.”
“We went to a vodka tasting. It was a perfectly normal night for us. We hang out all the time. This time just happened to be out of town.” And we kissed for an hour. “It’s not a big deal.”
Lola slapped her hand down on top of mine. “Eliza! So are you guys like official yet?”
“What?” I screeched. “No. Seriously, we’re friends. We’ve always been friends.”
“So you had separate bedrooms?” my mom asked.
I was officially the color of an alarm. A bright-red emergency alarm. “Excuse me, what?”
“Well, friends don’t sleep in the same bed together, obviously,” she continued like this was the most natural way to ask your daughter if she slept with a man, “so you must have had separate rooms. And woke up in separate beds.”
“I am just going to go over there and die now,” I declared. “If you’ll excuse me.”
Lola squeezed my hand harder, holding me hostage. “What your mom is trying delicately to say is, did you sleep together or not? We want the truth.”
“No! Oh my gosh, no.” They both stared at me, eyes narrowed, clearly deciding if I was a liar or not. “This has never been an issue before. Why are you suddenly all over my case, Mother?”
“You’ve never gone out of town before, Daughter. What was I supposed to think?”
“It was like a thing for reps. He was invited and asked me to join him at the last minute. End of story.”
My mom’s interested expression soured quickly. “You realize he’s going to marry someone, don’t you, Eliza? And if you’re going to keep pussyfooting around, that someone will not be you.”
If my mom used the word pussyfooting, you knew it was serious. She was like a politician with her language. Ninety percent pristine. Ten percent pussyfooting.
But this was so out of left field that my eye started twitching. “Where is this coming from?”
“I’m an old woman, Eliza.” And now she sounded like one. Tired, worn out, ancient. “I want to enjoy grandkids before you have to lock me away in a home. I don’t want grandbabies when I’m too old to get on the floor and play with them. I want grandbabies now. When I can still take them overnight and sit in the bleachers for all their activities without needing a hip replacement. I need you to give me grandbabies, Eliza. And that means securing yourself a good husband first.” She heaved a sigh. “I would even take you just getting knocked up by that man. I’m honestly not even asking for marriage. I want babies, Eliza. And I want them now.”
I turned to Lola before I was forced to hear my deranged mother use the word “grandbabies” again. “My mother has lost her damn mind. Charlie gives us one scare, and now suddenly, she’s trying to secure the English legacy. Are you hearing this?”
My mom turned to Lola. “You’re not off the hook either, missy. Get that boy to put a ring on it and start popping out babies.”
Lola looked like she’d been hit in the face with a water balloon. And I suddenly couldn’t stop laughing. The stress of Charlie’s appendicitis really made my mom lose her mind. Oh, my gosh.
“She doesn’t mean it, Lola,” I rushed to tell my brother’s very soon-to-be ex-girlfriend. “At least I don’t think she means it.”
My mom harrumphed, then turned her back on us so she could refill her coffee mug. Okay, maybe she did mean it.
I started laughing again.
“I, um, I’m not sure what to say,” Lola finally managed.
“Maybe we should leave,” I suggested. “We don’t have to put up with this, you know.”
“I’m staying here.” She pointed at the floor. “I don’t have anywhere else to go.”
“Okay, then know this is from the bottom of my heart, but I have to leave you behind. I’m sorry. You’re on your own.”
“You can’t leave,” she pleaded. “I-I-I think food is coming.”
