Stalking forward, I gained some space between Jonah’s hand and my back. And felt marginally better.
Except for those damn warm fuzzies I had just been mourning. It was one touch. One hand. One Jonah to my lonely, neglected body. And I could feel it slipping—the hard-won indifference I’d spent decades building.
So what if I’d spent seventy-five percent of my life head over heels in love with this guy? We finally had a great, fantastic, ultra-platonic friendship that gave me actual joy. I wasn’t going to ruin it by confessing my undying love for him.
Again.
two
Jonah followedme through the kitchen, past our genius chef, Case, and his tiny prep station, and into my office. It was quieter in here. The whirring and whooshing sounds of the kitchen were far away. And the constant clatter of the main floor felt especially distant.
When Jonah shut the door behind him, the silence seemed to ring between us. I sat down in my desk chair, keenly aware of all the squeaks it made as my weight depressed the seat. My breathing suddenly felt too loud. Why had I turned off my streaming music when I left earlier? That would have at least masked the piercing throat clear I couldn’t hold back.
“How can I help you?” I asked Jonah, desperate to shut off my inner monologue. “Is this really about inventory?”
He all but collapsed into the chair on the other side of the desk. “Yes. But first, can we talk about Will? For real, what is going on with him?”
With the holidays, it had been a while since the two of us could just sit and talk. He always came to our family’s events, but it was never just the two of us. And we never talked much when my brothers were around.
It wasn’t that we had a secret friendship or anything. Will and Charlie knew how close Jonah and I had grown over the past several years. Especially since we worked so closely together. But it was always weird when my brothers were around. They added this extra layer of complicated awkwardness that both Jonah and I preferred to avoid.
Early on in our friendship, they made constant comments and suggestions about the two of us. It wasn’t that we didn’t have tough skin. It was just easier when they didn’t have anything to go on and on and on about.
Honestly, Will and Charlie were like that with any guy I brought home. But a different level of annoyance existed with Jonah. Mostly because he had never liked me as more than anything but a friend.
And also because I couldn’t just dump him and cut ties with a simple text. Jonah would be in my life for as long as my brothers were. For as long as any of my family was. He wasn’t just Will’s best friend. Or my close friend. He was family.
That would never change.
A part of me was comforted by the fact that I could count on him as solidly as my brothers and my mom. He would always be there for me. He would never abandon us nor we him. But the other part, less pronounced and hidden away in my locked box of uncomfortable emotions I didn’t know how to process... struggled with disappointment. Maybe because while my brothers and Mom thought of him as a close family member, I couldn’t. This friendship was as good as it got for us. And like it or not, I had to figure out how to be okay with that.
I relaxed back into my lumbar support and laughed. “What do you mean?”
“This whole serious girlfriend thing is so annoying,” Jonah complained. “It was fine at first. I’ve never seen him this into anyone, so I’m happy for him. But honestly...”
I wasn’t sure what he was complaining about. Not that I hadn’t also felt the teeth-grinding irritation of being around two people who were so in love, birds seemed to sing in their wake, and their eyes were always shaped like hearts. But I also lived with a perpetual low hum of aggravation for Will. And for Charlie, for that matter. So Jonah’s exasperation wasn’t exactly obvious.
“You don’t like Lola?” I guessed, surprised.
“No, Lola is great. She’s somehow sweet yet perfectly matched for Will’s assholery. It’s everything else. He’s love-sick, and it’s making me actually sick.”
“Ooooh.” I smiled, genuinely amused. “You hate people who are happy.”
His glare would have made a lesser woman tremble. “I’m happy he’s happy.”
“Which is why you’re snarling right now.”
“I’m not snarling,” he snarled.
I bit back a smile. “He’ll level out, Mason. He just needs time to... adjust. This is all new for him. And for Lola, I think. Eventually, they’ll recalibrate to being normal people who need normal amounts of space and time apart. Your wingman won’t abandon you forever.”
He threaded his hands together and propped them behind his head, then stretched out his long legs so they reached beneath my desk, just inches from my own feet. He would have been the perfect picture of relaxed and reposed if it wasn’t for his narrowed eyes. “You think I’m jealous.”
I leaned forward on my desk, blinking innocently and resting my chin in my folded hands. “I know you’re jealous. And it’s adorable.”
His glare eased as if he was surprised. “I’m not jealous. And I’m not adorable, English. Sometimes, I don’t think you know me at all.”
My smile escaped. It couldn’t be helped. Something was one hundred percent wrong with me... but grumpy Jonah was my favorite Jonah. “Okay, fine. You’re not adorable. You’re hideous. And I hate looking at you.” I paused long enough to enjoy the twitch of his full lips. “But you’re going to have to explain more about why you’re annoyed with Will for me to understand why this isn’t jealousy.”
