“Excuse me?”
His look gentled, but his smile warmed, and I hated that it made me want to open up to him. Nobody should have that kind of power in a smile. “Listen, I feel like I misjudged you.”
“You’ve actually misjudged me since you met me.”
He ignored my snark. “And I’d like to start over. Or try again. Or… I don’t know what I want to do. But I feel bad for what just happened.”
He felt sorry for me is what he meant. “I grew up, Vann. That’s all that happened. I lived this kind of wild, party girl life and then I woke up one day and I realized I couldn’t keep living my life like that. I couldn’t keep… going with zero responsibility and zero commitment and zero anything to live for. I needed goals and a purpose and…” I ran a hand over my hair, trying to smooth it down as the wind ruffled it. “My dad had just died. I didn’t know how to cope. And my mom was a mess. And I never had any boundaries growing up. So I just… I did things I’m not proud of. But that phase of my life is over now. And even if Ezra doesn’t believe me, I’ve spent the last six years trying to prove it to him.”
His smile disappeared. Along with that warm and melty look in his eyes. Now he just looked concerned. Damn, I really messed this up.
“Sounds like there was a lot going on,” he noted.
“There was,” I agreed, unable to meet his eyes. “A lot going on.”
His hand shot out and grabbed mine, holding it gently in his. He bent his knees so that we were eye level. His gentle grasp and the thumb rubbing over my knuckles coaxed me to look at him. “I’m sorry you had to go through a rough time, Dillon. I’m sorrier you thought you had to cope that way.”
I found that I couldn’t swallow. Or retract my hand. Or do anything but sway closer to him. “I-it-it’s not your fault. I didn’t even know you then.”
He held my gaze. “Regardless. I’m sorry life was so awful for you. I’m sorry your dad died. I’m sorry that you felt the only way to fix any of it was to drink or party or whatever. I’m sorry for all of it.”
What I really wanted to do was throw my arms around him and cry into his neck. I wanted him to hold me for the next seven years while my heart healed and my mind unfragmented and all the memories of that lifestyle died.
Instead of acknowledging his kindness or how much his words had affected me, I took a step back and tossed my purse to the passenger side. “I need to go.”
“Runner,” he whispered, and I knew he was smiling before I even looked at him.
“So what if I am?” I asked, finally understanding what he meant.
He shrugged, shoving his hands into his pockets and looking too adorable for his own good. “I’m just glad to know it’s not my skills in bed.”
I leaned back toward him, relishing the flirty space we’d found again. “It might be though. You don’t really know, do you?”
His smile died and his signature frown took its place. “No, I guess I don’t.”
I stepped back, getting as close to the car as possible. “I’m saying… Maybe you shouldn’t say no to free advice.”
His concerned gaze turned into a very serious frown. “Are you saying you remember?”
I shook my head, not wanting to admit that it didn’t matter if I did. He’d broken my celibacy streak but that didn’t mean I was ready to make it a regular thing. “Sorry.” I shrugged and inched closer to my car. “Good thing you’re not looking for a nice girl.”
He followed me, leaning into the car door—the only thing between us. “You’re not a nice girl, Dillon.”
That shiver was back, rolling down my spine and bringing heat with it. “That’s not what you said before.”
“I was wrong.”
I sucked in a deep breath and dropped to my driver’s seat, afraid of what would happen if we kept talking. “Bye, Vann.”
“Bye, Dillon.”
I drove away from Ezra’s apartment feeling completely unsettled. My emotions warred inside my chest. And in my head.
This wasn’t fair. He wasn’t playing fair.
He’d told me I was a nice girl and he wasn’t interested in nice girls. He’d said that. Not me.
So, when I dropped my guard, it was under that assumption—that he wasn’t interested in me. And now what was he saying? That he did like me?
