I turned my attention back to the ceiling fan. I loved Maxine Dawson. Truly. I’d only been given one mother in this life and I was bound and determined to treasure her. But did she have to make it so difficult?
Max tumbled back through the door, tripping over the door jam and falling on his knees.
“Are you okay?” I asked him.
He jumped back to his feet and brushed off his sweatpants, totally unbothered by his fall. Six-year-old boys were so rough and tumble. He was like a little pinball that bounced back and forth through life. “Grammy said a naughty word.”
“I heard her,” I sighed. “She shouldn’t say that.”
“It means something bad,” he agreed.
I caught his eye and gave him my mom stare. “Don’t you say it. Be better than Grammy.”
He grinned at me. “I love Grammy.”
“I do too. But I don’t talk like her and you shouldn’t either.” It wasn’t that I had anything against the words she said. But we were already from a trailer park. I would die of mortification if my six-year-old showed up and started dropping F bombs in first grade.
“Uh, mom?”
It wasn’t exactly a promise to refrain from cursing publicly, so I let him keep my full attention. “Yeah?”
“We never went on the nature walk. Remember?”
In my head, I said,Son of a bitch!But out loud, because I’d just given him a lesson on language and I was a good mom, I said, “That would be a perfect thing to do today.” Okay, good-ish mom. But the important thing to remember was that I wasn’t a total hypocrite. Okay, I was. But a hypocrite in the way only parents get. The parent hypocrisy that promises their child needs to know all their math facts, even though you are acutely aware they’ll never use it in real life. Or the parent that makes your child make super healthy meal choices and then sneaks Oatmeal Pies in the pantry. I had thus far been able to hide my hypocrisy from Max.
Which shouldn’t have been a victory, but it was.
“Really?” Max asked, his eyes narrowed with distrust.
“Sure. We can walk around here, can’t we? We don’t have to go somewhere specific?” He shrugged. “Will you get me your homework assignment paper? It’s hanging on the fridge.”
He brought it over to me and I read through his homework thoroughly for the first time. His teacher wanted us to go for a walk in a nature-rich environment and record all the different things we saw. It was due Monday.
We’d had the homework assignment for at least two weeks, so it wasn’t like this was news, we just hadn’t found the time to do it yet.
I swung my legs around to sit up and rolled my neck. So much for a nap. “Okay, I’m going to change while you get your shoes on and then we’ll head out.”
He made a holler of delight. Mom guilt instantly clawed from inside my chest. I hated how this small thing that required my minimal participation made him so excited.
I should do better, playing and doing things with him, but it was hard when I worked so much. My feet were always tired, and I’d started to have a sore back in the last two years thanks to all the waitressing.
My mom did the fun things with him and sometimes Coco would take him to a movie or on a lunch date. But I was just mom. I nagged him about homework and made him go to bed on time.
He was this wild boy that wanted someone to wrestle and play catch with. By the time we got through homework at the end of the school day, it was all I could do to make dinner and read him a few books before we both dozed off.
Behind my closed bedroom door, I quickly changed out of my waitressing uniform into a pair of black yoga capris, a sports bra and a long sleeve workout tee. Pulling on some worn tennis shoes I’d had since high school, I threw my long hair up in a messy bun on the top of my head and grabbed my phone.
Ajax had texted wanting to go out tonight. I quickly sent him a message back that I had Max and was stuck at home, but thanks for the offer.
The truth was, you couldn’t have dragged me out of the house tonight. I was way too tired to dance. Or get dressed in real clothes. Or do anything but curl up with Max on the couch and binge watch cartoons and movies all night.
I had never been the kind of girl with exciting weekend plans, but things had decidedly taken a turn for the bland ever since Max.
Not that I was complaining. Netflix and chill was my love language.
Netflix and chill in the literal sense, obviously.
Besides I was officially avoiding Ajax for the rest of time. Amen and amen. If he was on drugs or even abusing alcohol there was no way in fiery hell that I would ever let him near my son. And since I was always near Max, goodbye Ajax. Hello, single and celibate life.
