I was only an outsider if I stayed on the outside. But I had friends now. I had people that cared about me. That cared about Max. I was still the girl from the trailer park, I was still the single mom… I was still me. But my perspective had changed.
I wasn’t defined by other people’s opinions of me. I was defined by my belief in myself.
I was a fighter. I was a survivor. I was the girl who lived her best life despite her circumstances. And I was a good mom, doing her absolute best to raise a great kid.
Coco pulled me into a side hug, “What are you smiling about?”
Shrugging, I simply said, “I’m already having fun tonight. I’m glad we did this.”
She threw one arm in the air and made a cheering sound. “Ruby’s having fun, y’all!”
Several people turned and stared at us.
“Oh, my god, the fun just died,” I groaned.
She laughed and then pulled me onto the dance floor. “It’s just starting,” she promised.
24
Do Over
And she was right. For the next two hours we danced and drank and laughed. I avoided the pool table and the bar whenever I caught a glimpse Levi, but for the most part, I had a great time.
“Bathroom!” I shouted at Coco. She waved me off and I headed to the darkened hallway that had caused me a lot of trouble last time I was here.
I paused, staring at the exit sign, feeling mixed emotions of want and resigned sorrow. Levi was the missing piece in all of this. The one thing I couldn’t have in my happily ever after. The one thing I wanted more than ever.
And being around his family was a small, sadistic way to constantly torture myself. He was the most amazing uncle—attentive, fun, kind. He made Max laugh a ridiculous amount. They were becoming thick as thieves and I could only watch from a distance.
We steered clear of each other as much as possible. It was too awkward. Too painful. I didn’t know if Rich and Darcy suspected anything, but they gave us our space without commenting.
I had decided this was payback. Now I knew what he’d been through all those years of liking me. Now I knew what high school was like for him, what coming back home was like for him. I could want him all I wanted, but I couldn’t touch him.
And this would be how it always was. He would eventually move on. He had the luxury of not having a kid and being a completely eligible bachelor. He would find someone else, someone without all my baggage, someone that hadn’t ruined his trust and had a baby with his brother. And he would start a family of his own.
Not to say Max wasn’t enough for me. Because he always had been and he always would be. But now there was a sorrow that accompanied this beautiful life of mine that hadn’t been there before. Now I knew what it meant to long and pine and watch from a distance while the person I had come to love, moved on.
I had suspected that this was Levi’s perfect revenge for a lifetime of torturing him. And now I could officially confirm that it was true.
Intentionally or not, this was sweet, ugly, horrible vengeance. And I hated every second of it. But I also knew that this was the way it had to be.
I cared about him enough to let him go, to let him move on. To let him find real, true, uncomplicated love. And someday, I might even find a way to be happy for him.
As I came out of the bathroom and found him leaning against the bar, chatting with Kristen March, I knew that day was not today.
Kristen tipped her head back and laughed at whatever he was saying to her. His smile was soft and sweet and everything I had fallen in love with.
God, seeing him like that, drinking with her of all people, killed my happy holiday vibes.
She leaned toward him, running her hand down his crisp white button up shirt, playing with the buttons as she went. She tilted her mouth toward his and I couldn’t stop watching… I couldn’t stop the car crash from happening.
I had walked into this bar finally feeling at peace with who I was and now I wanted to run out of it, knowing I couldn’t ever be totally at peace with Levi Cole in this town.
God, how did this man manage to make everything about him? How had he crawled inside me and under my skin and ruined everything I thought I didn’t need.
He laughed at whatever she said and dropped his mouth next to her ear, murmuring something that had her gripping his bicep. This was awful. I’d avoided looking at him all night for this reason.
It hurt too much.
