Even Max sounded skeptical when he asked in a careful voice, “He did?”
Darcy’s voice dropped to serious. “Maybe not too much. Maybe he brought just the right amount.” She started moving things around the kitchen, but my feet seemed frozen in place in the entryway. I didn’t want to be brave for this. I wanted to grab Max and run.
This was what I was worried about. My eyes found the breathtaking real Christmas tree, decorated with a thousand twinkling lights and precious ornaments. It was packed with presents in all shapes and sizes. There was a bike with a bow leaned against the wall. A gigantic stuffed teddy bear cradled at least thirty big presents. I didn’t even know where that damn thing would go. It was bigger than my kitchen.
Max was going to take one look at all that these people could give him and beg to live here permanently. I would never be able to give him this stuff.
I would never have given it to him had I been able to. It was too much. Completely over the top. He wouldn’t even know what to do with half of it.
God, what was I thinking? Why were we here? We lived in a different world than these people. I’d had to save up all year long just so I could give him basic things. This year, I’d used the money from my tax return last year and splurged on a kid’s Kindle Fire. I knew he loved games that he could only play on Coco’s iPad.
But that would pale in comparison to everything he had here. Everything the Coles could give him and I could not.
“I told her she did too much,” Levi whispered, suddenly next to me. “I told her she was going to freak you out.”
“I’m not freaked out.”
He nudged me with his elbow. “You’re a little freaked out.”
“I just… I didn’t know people did Christmas like this. I mean, I’ve seen it in movies and magazines or whatever. I read about a crazy Christmas in a book once. But I’ve never seen it in real life.” I whipped my head around to face him. “Is this what Christmas was like for you every year?”
He laughed and shook his head. “No. God, no. My parents never spoiled Logan and me like this. I mean, we had good Christmases… but nothing like this.”
That made me feel a little bit better. “What is the point of that King-Kong-size bear? She doesn’t expect me to take that home, does she? It won’t even fit in my car. How would I even get it in the house? I’m afraid it’s going to come alive and eat us in our sleep.”
His head tipped back and the sound of his deep, rumbly laugh soothed the frayed and frantic pieces of me. He was the giant bear. Metaphorically of course. But he was like that larger than life cuddly stuffed animal. I just wanted to crawl into his lap and take a nap.
“She’s turning part of the basement into a playroom for him,” he explained. “Most of the stuff here is for that. She was worried he would get bored over here.”
I snorted. “Talk about irrational fears.” Damn. I wanted to slap my hand over my mouth. I hadn’t meant to say that out loud. “Er...”
“About that,” Levi interrupted, not shying away from the topic at all. “I’ve been meaning to apologize for what I said to you the other night.”
“An apology?” I sounded as skeptical as I felt. “From Levi Cole? Are you feeling okay?”
He gave me a look. “I’m trying to be sincere.”
“I think you were pretty sincere the other night.”
“Ruby, would you let me tell you I’m sorry?”
“You’ve never told me you were sorry,” I told him. “Why start now?”
He grabbed my hand, stopping me from running to the kitchen and finding safety in Max and pancakes.
“Stop, woman, god, stop already.”
I glared at him. His thumb rubbed the inside of my palm in a soothing way.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, making the moment intimate and private. “I’m sorry I said all of that bullshit. You’re not a coward. You’re the bravest woman I know. I’m just…” His gaze flickered to the kitchen. “Frustrated with how things turned out. I’ve been taking that out on you. It’s not your fault.”
He meant Max. He meant his brother’s child. “It’s kind of my fault,” I countered.
Sighing, he agreed. “Okay, it’s your fault. Still, I shouldn’t… I can’t punish you for that now. I mean, there’s no point. There’s not even a chance that…” He ran a hand through his hair, looking as flustered as he sounded. “What I mean is that I don’t blame you for Max. Truly, in my heart, I couldn’t be happier to have him be a part of our lives. I feel so lucky that we get a piece of my brother. It feels like an extra blessing we don’t deserve.”
“You deserve it,” I whispered, knowing this family, this beautiful, hurting family, did deserve him. “You do.”
He swallowed roughly, his Adam’s apple bobbing. “Thank you.” He ran his hand through his hair again. “Please forgive me for treating you poorly recently. I’ve been acting like an idiot. Okay, more of an idiot than usual. And I’d love it if you could forgive me.”
