He shut the shower off, still facing me, giving me agiant view of his giant… umm, ahem. “Well, you might as well bring one here.”
Was he serious? I all but threw the towels on the bedand started backing up. “I’ll just leave them here for you.”
“Caro.” He stilled me with just my name. “I’ll dripall over the floor. I just need one.”
“Oh my God,” I hissed at the stack of towels as Ipicked one up. This was crazy. I should have run away. But I didn’t.
With trembling hands and a flopping stomach, I walkeda towel into the bathroom where he still stood bare-ass naked.
“It’s not like you haven’t seen it before.” hereminded me as I tried to look anywhere but at his body covered in droplets ofwater and surrounded by steam. The scent of his soap left a heady aroma in theroom. His presence seemed to take up ninety-nine percent of the space.
I had seen everything before. We’d been naked togethermore times than we’d been clothed—or at least that was what it seemed like tomy teenage hormone-rattled mind. But I wasn’t sure I had ever seen this before.
How did that happen?
He was twenty-three when he’d gone into prison, barelya man, barely a grown up. But he’d come out the full package of manhood.
Literally.
Finally finding the wherewithal to look at the ground,I held the towel out in front of me and shuffled toward him. His toes wiggledas I approached, catching my attention. It didn’t seem possible, but they hadalso changed in our time apart. They were hairier, more masculine looking. Theyshouldn’t have also gotten more attractive. That didn’t seem fair.
I looked at my feet hidden in blackMerrells. Had my feet changed? Aged? Were they prettier? Orjust older looking?
“You’ve changed.” His low voice echoed in the long butnarrow bathroom.
I decided not to take the bait. Instead, I wiggled myhand holding his towel, reminding him to take it.
He reached for it, our fingers brushing in theexchange. It was like a lightning bolt had rocketed through me. Such a simpletouch, but not at all simple in the same breath.
My head snapped up and I found those brilliant blueeyes that had always signified my downfall. He was watching me, waiting for meto lift my gaze to his.
They were like locked doors. I couldn’t see past thesurface. I had no idea what was hiding behind them. Only that something was.Only that he was doing his best to hide as much from me as possible.
And it nearly broke me.
I didn’t leave Sayer because I stopped loving him. Ileft him because I found someone else that needed my love more. And thetemptation to tell him that made my knees lock and my hand reach out to steadymyself against the wall.
But I couldn’t tell him. He was still working for theVolkov. He had to be. Otherwise he’d be dead and not here.There was no way to leave the brotherhood other than death. Forty years in thefuture, they’d let him retire. But he’d just spent five years in prison for them.And on top of that, he had been one of their most successful soldiers ever.They would never let him go.
Consequently, he could never know about Juliet.
Because I would never take her back to DC to live thatlife. And I would never give them leverage over my life by revealing mydaughter.
They could all burn in hell, because we had gotten outand we planned to stay out.
“What are you doing here, Sayer?” I was breathlesswith anticipation and too many emotions and crippling fear.
He secured the towel around his hips, making itpossible to breathe a bit easier. Maybe his nakedness had something to do withmy inability to catch a full breath…
“This was my idea, Caro. Do you really not remember?”
I remembered. I remembered everything. But that ideawas a plan for both of us. A hypothetical escape for when we got out of DC.
But he never planned to leave DC. He’d made thatabundantly clear. He’d always intended to stay. And to work for thebratva. I hadbeen the idiot to fall for his lies. For his game.
I pulled my mustard cardigan tighter around my chest,hiding the scoop-neck navy blue tunic and all of the pain pinned to my exposedheart. “So what, you’re really here to put down roots? To run your bar and payyour taxes and stay out of trouble?” I waved my hand around the bathroom, myexpression wrinkled with intense frustration. “This is all about getting on thestraight and narrow?”
He scrubbed two hands over his face, hiding anelongated sigh. When he looked back to me, he looked ancient, worn and draggedthrough an eternity of something horrible. “You have no idea, do you? You haveno idea what I’ve been through the past five years or how fucking hard prisonis. You have no idea how many times I had the shit beaten out of me or dodgedattempts at my life. You have no idea what the last five years have been likefor me because all you think about is yourself.
