“No,” I confessed quietly, reluctantly. “He’s neverput his hands on me.”
She immediately relaxed, the invisible barrier of herdesire to kill him disappeared and a patronizing smile replaced her graniteexpression. “Well, then we all have our pasts. Don’t we, Caroline? Judgmentalisn’t a good color on you.”
Sufficiently chastised, I turned away so I could rollmy eyes at the window and pull out a map and a keycard and all the other thingsI needed to exchange with Sayer.
“Why don’t I handle this,” I told Maggie, “and youcall the repairman so Mr. Smith can have a working hot tub in no time.” Shenarrowed her eyes at me, not liking that I was trying to get rid of her. Shewanted to eavesdrop, the nosey Nelly. “I mean, it’s been six years. Don’t makethe man wait longer than he has to.”
Maggie shook her head but grabbed the little blackbook of business contacts I’d left on the counter anyway. To Sayer she said, “Itwas a pleasure to meet you, Sayer Smith. I truly hope you enjoy your time here.Please let my manager, Caroline, know if you need anything. She can be veryhelpful when she remembers to take the stick out of her ass.”
Sayer coughed in surprise at the same time I hissed,“Oh my God, Maggie!”
“See you in a bit,darlin’.”She was absolutely unapologetic. “Make sure you walk Sayer to hisaccommodations. We wouldn’t want him to get lost on the way.”
“Oh, I’ll walk Sayer to his accommodations,” I mumbledto the reservation page on my computer. And then I’ll push him off the side ofthe mountain.
“I’m sure I can find my way,” Sayer offered afterMaggie disappeared into her office. “I know how to read a map.”
“I’ll need some information before we get to that part,”I clipped out instead. “And a credit card.”
He blinked at me. “I’ll transfer money in themorning.”
“You know how this works, Sayer. I need a card for thefile.” Meeting his gaze again, I searched for truth or obvious lies so I wouldknow which truths he was trying to hide. “Unless you don’t have a card? Maybeyou don’t have one that matches your driver’s license?”
He pulled out his wallet and thumbed a card from theslot. “Is there room service?”
I took the credit card from him, careful not to touchany part of him. My eyes quickly scanned the raised font reading Sayer Smith inplain letters.
So what? He had managed to get a new identity, and itcame with good credit. If anything, it just proved my original theory—Sayerknew how to survive.
“No room service. But there are delivery apps thatwill pick up anything in town and deliver it to your cottage. We’re a ways fromtown though. It doesn’t always arrive hot.” Switching gears, I got back to workmode. “How long will you be staying?” I asked, for the sake of the computerscreen. I couldn’t go to the check-in page until he answered. I wasn’t beingnosey. Okay, I was being a little nosey. “I need to know for the computer.”
He leaned forward, resting on his forearms. “For thecomputer.”
“I’m trying to check you in, dummy.”
“I forgot how ballsy you are,” he said to his hands,head bowed. “How reckless.”
I pushed the rolling chair back. “Okay, I’m over themystery man bullshit, Sayer. Either threaten me or kill me or do whatever it isyou’re going to do to me. But let’s stop whatever game this is because I’m overit.”
His half-smile was cruel, vindictive. His gaze neverleft mine, daring me to look away. “You think this is a game? That after fiveyears, I show up here to… tease you?”
His words were so hollow, spoken with no emotion. Itwas the hardness that stabbed at my heart, the wall between us so wide and talland unbreakable that hot tears pricked at the backs of my eyes. I hadn’tthought that. After what I did to him, I would never think that. But the way hesaid it… like I was my fifteen-year-old self, dropping hints and flirting withhim. Like he was eighteen again, chasing me around the back alleys of DC andbeating up all the other boys that tried to talk to me.
Infusing my voice with mettle and moxie and ice, Itold him honestly, “No. No, I don’t think this is a game. But you’re here for areason, Sayer. And since I can’t possibly guess what it is, you need to justtell me.”
He made an amused sound in the back of his throat. “Youleft me, Six. Vanished. Disappeared. There was no note or phone call. Gusdidn’t even know what the hell happened. One day you visited me and you’re all,‘I love you, Sayer. I would do anything for you, Sayer. I’ll wait for youforever, Sayer.’ And then poof.” He smacked the counter, making me jump at thesudden sound. “Nobody can find precious Caroline fucking Valera. Not even herold man. And what can I do about it? My girl is gone. Fucking gone. And I can’tdo a goddamn thing about it.”
“You—”
He had no time for my excuses. “Do you know howfrustrating that is, Six? How infuriating? The only person you’ve ever loveddisappears out of the fucking blue, and you’re stuck in prison like an asshole,helpless.Totally helpless.I lost my fucking mindthinking the worst had happened to you. I went insane. That darkness…” Heducked his head again, hiding whatever memories reflected in his eyes. “Youcan’t understand the depth of that darkness, Caroline. Won’t ever understandit.”
I was nothing but a slow-beating heart, strugglingdesperately not to make anynoise,or movement or beanything but invisible. “Sayer,” the word was a whispered apology that hedeserved.
His head snapped up, almost as if he just rememberedthat I was here. “Then I show up in this hole of a town and here you are. Notdead. Not kidnapped by Italians or Irish or a crazy fucking serial killertrying to get to me. You’re just here. Working and living and dating. Andnormal. Happy. Fucking adjusted. I’m not here to play games with you, Caro. I’mhere to live out a dream I once I had with a girl I once loved.” He leanedforward, holding my gaze, twisting it, squeezing it, crushing it. “Me beinghere has nothing to do with you because not everything is about you, Caroline.And after all this time, I am not about you at all.”
I wanted to say something smart in reply; cutting,soul-ripping. But nothing came out of my mouth. Not one cruel response wanderedinto my head. I could do nothing but gape at him like a fish out of water,gasping for breath. I tried to console myself by believing I deserved that. Idid. He was right. I had left him without a single word of where I was going orthat I was going to be all right.
He had no idea that anything was wrong. That I neededto leave. That I had to.
