“Then it’s the company.”
“It’s not!” My hand landed on his closed fist and Isqueezed. I hated the disappointment in his voice. I hated even more that I wasthe one that put it there. “Jesse, I know this sounds cliché, but I’m just notin a position to date anyone. I wish that I was, because I would be so into it.Into you. But seriously, my life is all about Juliet right now. I just… notthat this would necessarily happen with you or whatever… but I just don’t wantmen going in and out of her life depending on who her mom’s dating. I don’twant to give her a crazy childhood. Or at least I don’t want her to know howbad things are. And she likes you. I want her to keep liking you. Does thatmake sense?”
Instead of agreeing with me or fleeing in the oppositedirection like he should have, he opened his fist and turned it so that wecould press our hands together. “Are things bad, Caroline?”
My blurted confession hovered heavily in the air overour heads, like a thundercloud pregnant with rain, ready to burst. “Things arefine. I didn’t mean it like that.”
His gaze held mine captive. “Do you need help?”
I cleared my throat and simultaneously pushed away thepride that screamedno, and the girlinside me that wanted to crumble on the floor and start weeping while sayingYES. YES, PLEASE. YES. It was hard beinga single mother. I mean, whatever happened in my past was a whole differentstruggle.
Taking care of one tiny human was a lot of work. Andeven with Francesca’s help, there was still so much to do for Juliet. “I justmeant, like, in the sense that I’m a single mom and I can’t seem to get toanything on time. In the sense that Juliet is growing up so fast in some waysand not fast enough in others, and I’m trying to balance her and work andhealth insurance and dentist appointments and trying not to drown. You’re agood guy, Jesse. You deserve a girl that can give you her full attention. Withme, you’d always be third.”
His head tilted to the side. “Third?”
“Behind Francesca,” I explained. “We’re basically aSpice Girls song.”
That didn’t clear things up for him. “Spice Girls?”
I smiled and this time it was real and not forced,genuine and not covering other emotions that I was too chicken shit to sharewith him. “Friendship was super important to them.”
His shoulders shook with laughter. “Obviously Iinvited you to the wrong concert.”
I rolled my eyes at him. “Whatever you need to tellyourself.”
“No, I need a lot more than that,” he admitted. “Myego’s taken a serious blow over the last couple months.”
I patted his hand and then pulled back. There was noreason for us to keep holding hands. “Aw, poor baby. Like I said, theoffer for by-the-hour hot tub services areopen any time.We’ll call it the friends and family discount.”
His eyebrows shot up to his hairline. “You’re offeringyour services?”
My face heated with embarrassment. “Oh, not,er, not mine. We’d call in a professional for that.”
We realized what I’d said at the same time and bothburst into more laughter.
“What’s going on out here?” Maggie asked from the doorway.“It sounds like a party.”
Finally! My rescue. What had she been doing backthere?
Eavesdropping probably.
“Oh, hi there, Jesse.” Maggie pretended to besurprised. “What brings you up here?”
His cheeks reddened again. “Oh, nothing. I was just inthe area. Thought I would say hi to Caroline.”
“That was sweet of you.” She turned to me, her eyes castinglaser beams of accusation at me. “Wasn’t that so nice of him, Caroline? He’s sucha thoughtful man.” She turned back to Jesse, making all of this ridiculouslyawkward. “You’re a thoughtful man, Jesse. We could use some more of you in thisday and age.”
“Well, uh, thank you, ma’am,” he mumbled, taking astep to the side. Away from Maggie.
She continued to smile at him and bat her eyelashes.“You’re welcome.” She dropped a perfectly square brown cardboard cube in frontof me. “Thought I’d bring this out to you, Caroline, since you’re so determinedto ignore it.”
My polite expression strained as I wrestled my handsto the side to keep from snatching it out of sight. I wanted to knock it offthe counter and kick it across the room. I had no idea where it came from or whosename was on the return address. I didn’t want to know.
The funny feelings from last week returned with abiting edge, coiling in my stomach, a snake ready to strike.
My smile wobbled, but I managed to say, “Oh, thanks. Iwas just coming to grab it when Jesse stopped by.”
“Mmm-hmmm.”
