And maybe I had been trying to avoid thinking about tonight.
Ben had been as much a part of our lives as usual, only now, when the kids were asleep in their beds, his touches would linger, his kisses would push boundaries and his intentions were made clear.
I had given him permission when I agreed to spend tonight and he had spent the last week building my anticipation and preparing me for what was to come.
But he had promised no sex and since I knew without a doubt that I wasn’t ready for sex, I bound his words against my nerves and tried to be brave.
“Good luck tonight,” Emma whispered when she showed up a few minutes before Ben.
“Nothing is going to happen,” I whispered back. She gave me a “yeah, right” look.“Seriously, Emma.Even if… even if I thought we were ready for that, I just can’t be intimate with someone else. It’s too weird.”
“Give me a break,” she sighed. “You deserve a night like tonight. Relax and have fun. Forget about the other stuff.”
“You’re a terrible sister. You’re supposed to supportme, not Ben.”
“I do support you!” she hissed. “And I support the very clear reality that you need to get laid!”
Ben walked in the house without knocking, which was now his way, and we shut up.
“Everything okay?” he asked, glancing between Emma and me.
“Yep!”Emma practically shouted at him. “We’re just peachy.”
My body flushed from my toes to the top of my head. I tried to smile at Ben, but I had to look half-deranged.
Ben’s eyes darkened with concern. “Is this your bag, Liz?”
“It is,” I croaked.
“I’m going to take it outside. Come out when you’re ready?”
I nodded, anxious to have another moment to myself. The kids were happily eating dinner, but when they realized Ben was here, they chased him out the door to say hello. With a few moments to ourselves, Emma put her hands on my shoulders and got right in my face.
“You will survive this night,” she promised.
“I’m not sure that I will.”
“You will. Ben will be there to walk you through it.”
“Will you be disappointed in me if we don’t do anything more than sleep?”
She shook her head and let her blonde waves bounce around her chin. “Never,” she promised. “I just want you to be happy again… however that happens.”
I nodded, acknowledging that I had the best sister in the entire world. “You’ll call if there are problems?”
“Obviously.”
“If I text youcode red, you’ll call and make up a problem?”
“Lizzy, I will set your house on fire if you need me to. Now go!”
“Okay, I’m going.” I paused in the doorway and turned back to her, “Em, no matter what I text, do not set the house on fire.”
She rolled her eyes and waved me off.
The three of us wrestled the kids back inside so I could give them each a kiss and a hug and then Ben set us off on our date… our date that was supposed to last us all night long.
“Where do you want to get dinner?”
