“You’re a saint, Emma.” I kissed her cheek and then shuffled my wayward child out the door.
We drove to McDonalds where I bought us both vanilla milkshakes and parked in the corner of the lot. I invited her to sit in the front seat with me before turning the radio off and getting down to business.
Once she’d crawled to the front and situated herself with ice cream in hand, I began, “Abs, you cannot keep doing what you’re doing. It is not working.”
“What do you mean?”
I gave her a look.“At school.In the lunchroom.With your homework.Baby girl, you cannot behave the way you are behaving any longer. This behavior and this attitude are just not okay. You are not acting like the Abby I know.”
She opened her mouth to defend herself, but couldn’t find the right words. Her shoulders slumped and she stared down at her cup. “It’s not fair,” she mumbled. “It’s not fair that other people have dads and I don’t.”
I knew this was coming… I knew all of the reasons for her behavior problems and issues at school. Still, nothing could have prepared me for that.
“Abby,” I cried and then pulled her across the center console and into my lap. I buried my face in her wild hair and let out a choked sob. “I don’t think it’s fair either.”
“Why did he have to leave us, Mommy? Why did he have to die?”
“I don’t know, Sweetheart. He didn’t want to die. He tried his hardest to stay with us, but his sickness was too bad.”
“Why did he have to get sick? My friends at school have dads and none of them have gotten sick and died.” Tears streamed down her pretty face and her little nose ran. She sniffled and wiped her rivers of snot with the back of her hand.
I cupped her face with my hands and kissed a few of her freckles. I couldn’t give her answers to those questions, at least not any answers she would understand. “Abigail, your daddy got sick and because he got sick, he had to die. And now where is he?”
“Heaven,” she whispered.
“And did he love you when he was alive?”
She nodded, “Yes.”
“Did he love you with his whole heart?”
She nodded again andhiccuppeda sob. “Yes.”
“And did he stop loving you when he went up to heaven?”
“Did he?” she asked in the most frightened and innocent voice I had ever heard.
“No,” I promised immediately.“No, of course not.He loves you just as much now as he did when he was alive. He’s just in a different place now.”
“Will I ever see him again?”
“Of course you will.Of course.One day you will see him again, but it might not be for a very long time.”
Her chin trembled as she struggled to hold back more tears.
I took a breath and pressed on, “Abby you cannot keep getting into trouble at school. I know you miss your daddy. I know that. I miss him too. But honey, you are a good kid. It’s time you start acting like one.”
“Mr. Hoya doesn’t think I’m a good kid.”
Mr. Hoya was her first grade teacher and at his absolute wits end. “Then show him, Sweetie. You’ve given him a headache all year. Prove to him that you know how to listen and pay attention. Show him that you do know how to read and write. He’s not even sure if you know your own name!”
Abby laughed like I wanted her too. “He knows I know my own name! He’s always yelling it!”
I couldn’t help but smile at her. “I need you to try, Abby. Okay? I really need you to be the good kid I know that you are.”
She let out a long-suffering sigh, “Fine. I’ll try.”
“And if you don’t try?”
