“I doubt he is expecting anything, Lizbeth.”
“What did you get him?” Curiosity about Emma and Ben’s friendship burned oddly in my stomach. I couldn’t figure out why it bothered me that they were so close. Ben and I were close too. I shouldn’t feel jealous about what they had together.
Jealous?
Did I really feel jealous?
“A wallet,” she told me. “He picked it out and sent me the links.”
I laughed at their silly gift exchange. “Maybe he got me the same scarf.Different color?”
“Maybe,” my sister shrugged. “It’s a very cute scarf. I guess there’s only one way to find out…”
I didn’t move a muscle. My phone screen had darkened so I couldn’t see Ben’s invitation anymore, but I felt it all over my skin and low in my belly.
“Go!” Emma encouraged. “I’ll make sure the house doesn’t burn down.”
“I won’t be gone long,” I promised, jumping up from the couch.
“Don’t worry about it if you are.”
“Okay, but I won’t be.”
“Whatever, justgo!”
I tucked my phone into the pocket of my black skinny jeans and slipped on my boots. I had dressed up a little for Christmas in a red, silky shirt-style tunic and goldbanglyjewelry. It was the most effort I had made since Thanksgiving. I pulled on my coat as I slipped out the front door.
I hurried from my house to his, making long, dragging footsteps in the snow across our lawns. It was cold outside and I was anxious to see this present.
I raised my hand to knock on his door, but it swung open for me instead. My hand hung there while he took his time raking his eyes from my toes to the top of my head. He nudged the screen door open and I slid by him into his house.
Ben had never invited me over to his house before. He always came over to mine, for obvious reasons.
He had good taste though. The rooms I could see were decorated with rich browns and aged wood accents. I could picture him stretched out on the chunky leather couch, watching something on his massive TV mounted to the wall. There was a small tree set on an end table with a few gifts wrapped professionally beneath. The only thing I could find fault with was that his beautiful house felt a little empty. It was such a big space for only him.
“I like your house better.” His low voice came from behind me. His fingers landed on my shoulders and tugged at my coat. I let him help me out of it.
“Yours is gorgeous,” I told him a little breathlessly. The pads of his fingers trailed down my arms as he removed my coat. I slipped out of my boots quickly to put space between us.
“Mine is lonely,” he said. “Yours is full of life.”
I spun around to face him. I would have never described my house like that. To me, my house felt full of death.Full of ghosts.Full of memories that ate at me day and night.
“Why did you buy such a big house for only you?” Changing the subject seemed like the wisest decision.
He took a step towards me and I took a quick one back. He smiled a little, amused with my jumpy behavior.
I couldn’t help it! This was the first time we had ever been alone, truly alone. The kids weren’t asleep in the other room or running around at our feet. It was just he and I and this great big house.
Nerves skittered over my skin and pooled in my stomach. I didn’t know how to handle all of these feelings and sensations, especially because my reaction seemed so silly.
Ben saw me as a friend, not anything more, but not anything less either.
“Well, I didn’t think I would always be the only one living in it,” he admitted.
“Oh.” I sidestepped his couch and looked into the kitchen. Sure enough, a box of Christmas Pop-Tarts sat on the counter. “Mrs. Tyler and the kids, you mean?”
I turned back to see him shrug. “I don’t know. Maybe when I first bought it, I thought that. But, I’m not sure this is the right place to raise a family anymore.”
