Trevor opened the door and mayhem ensued. The children attacked him and he wrestled them into the living room.
I set my purse down and went back to the car for the pies the kids had helped me make. I balanced the apple in one hand and the cherry in the other as I stepped over kicking little feet and Trevor’s arm as he played dead for the kids.
Katherine stood at the stove, checking the various casseroles in the oven. She looked over her shoulder when I greeted her and gave me a soft smile.
“Happy Thanksgiving,” she said.
“Happy Thanksgiving to you too.”
She examined my pies and immediately my hackles rose, maybe unfairly, but it didn’t matter. “Did the kids help you make those?”
“Yes.”
“I admire you for baking with so many children. I only had the two boys, but I couldn’t seem to manage them in the kitchen.”
I gave her a tight smile while irrational anger burned low in my stomach. I didn’t have a choice. I didn’t have two kids and I didn’t have the luxury of help. She knew this. I didn’t know why she felt the need to point it out.
I decided changing the subject would be better for both of us. “Do you need any help?”
“Thank you, Liz. You could fill the water glasses on the table; we’re just about ready to eat.”
And eat we did. Katherine was an excellent cook and she served a spectacular meal. Usually she invited cousins and aunts and uncles to celebrate the holiday as well, but she’d offered to keep it small for this Thanksgiving.
It was the only reason I agreed to come over.
Honestly, the idea of facing all of Grady’s extended family without him by my side sounded like the inner circle of hell. They were overwhelming to begin with, but after Grady’s death the day would consist of nonstop questions about how I was doing or how the kids were doing or how we were managing or how I thought Trevor was handling the business.
I would have dragged Emma along, but she had flown to Florida to spend the holiday with our retired parents. She had been hesitant to go, but I had encouraged her, thinking I would be fine at my in-laws.
Dinner was as chaotic as it always was with four children to serve and maintain, but relatively low key since there were so many adults to help out.
“Should we all say something we’re thankful for?” Katherine’s cheery voice grated on my nerves. I tried to smile at Abby, encouraging her with my expression, but I couldn’t make it believable.
“Do we have to?” Abby groaned. “I’m not thankful for anything.”
“Abigail,” I hissed at her. I could see the pain written all over her face, but the mom in me couldn’t stop from chastising her.
“What are you thankful for, Mom?” Her dry sarcasm could not be missed.
“I’m thankful for you,” I told her honestly.“For how fun and adventurous you are.”That seemed to calm her down, so I moved on. “And I’m thankful for Blake too.” I looked at my oldest son, “Thankful for how helpful you are and for always remembering everything I forget.” He gave me a shy smile and went back to pushing his green bean casserole around.
“What about me?” Lucy shouted.
“I’m thankful for you too,Luce. I’m thankful for all of your hugs and kisses. And I’m thankful for all of the pictures you make for me.” ItussledJace’sfloppy red hair and kissed a cheek painted in mashed potatoes. “I’m thankful for you too, J. I’m thankful that you are sleeping through the night again and that you always know how to make me laugh.”
My mother-in-law dabbed at her eyes with a cloth napkin, “That was beautiful, Liz.”
I shifted in my seat and looked away. It was shockingly unnerving to watch her tear up in the middle of dinner. It also had an intense effect on me. I wanted to cry too just watching her and then to think that it was my words that had made her emotional really choked me up.
Trevor sighed adoringly, “Ah, Ma. You’re making Liz uncomfortable.”
She flashed me a watery smile. Her trembling hand reached forward and rested on the white tablecloth. “I always thought the kids were so lucky to have a father like Grady,” she admitted. “But I’m realizing they’re really lucky to have a mother like you.”
I should have heard the compliment in her words. I really should have. But all I could hear was the disappointment she felt for me up until this point. It had taken her son dying for her to see that I wasn’t such a letdown after all.
I could feel the bad place I’d been trapped in. I could feel how poisonous these feelings were for my mind and soul. This anger that ate at my insides and spread toxin through my blood was dangerous and awful. I wanted it gone, but I couldn’t make it go and that only made me angrier.
“Thank you for saying that,” I managed to say although my words felt cold and false on my tongue.
