“I am happy. I don’t need a man for that.”
“You know what I meant. Why are you fighting this? He’s a good guy! You said it yourself, single and stable.” Emma and I used to argue, before Grady died.Just about little stuff, small tiffs or snotty remarks.Nothing long-lasting.We were sisters; we usually found something to disagree about. But we hadn’t had a single disagreement since Grady had gotten really sick over a year ago. I knew my sister had been walking on eggshells around me and that our relationship wasn’t so evolved that we would never fight again. But tonight, her irritation with me only made me more irritated with her.
“I just think, if this doesn’t end well, it’s going to be awkward for you. I’m trying to protect you,” she insisted.
“I don’t need you to protect me, Emma.” I took a breath and closed my eyes, trying to dispel my frustration. “Listen, if you don’t want to go out with Ben, thendon’t. But don’t let your worry for me bother you. Ben and I are barely friends, so there isn’t much to worry about between us. And if things don’t work out between the two of you, there are other options besides keying his car and taking a baseball bat to his windshield.”
She laughed again, sounding infinitely more relaxed.“Yeah?Like what?”
“Like being grownups, for instance.Like acting maturely.”
She sighed for effect, “You just have all the answers, don’t you.”
“I’m older,” I reminded her.“And infinitely wiser.”
“Sure you are. Okay, he’s here. I’ll call you after!”
“Have fun!”
“Love you.”
“Love you too.”
I clicked off with Emma and turned back to pouring the popcorn into bags. I opened a box of Capri Suns, bought especially for family movie night and set them on the tray. A memory hit me so hard that my knees nearly buckled. I grabbed the counter for support and dropped my head.
I stood in this same place, doing this same task. Grady’s arms wrapped around my middle and he pulled me back against his hard chest. His face nuzzled in the crook of my neck and he inhaled my skin.
“Friday nights used to be date nights,” I reminded him. The kids had been overwhelming that week.Jacewas just a baby and not sleeping through the night. Abby and Lucy were into everything and constantly fighting over toys. Blake hadn’t wanted to hug me that morning when I dropped him off at school. My world felt tough and exhausting, it was easy to dream about the early years with Grady- how simple they’d been.
“That’s true,” he whispered against my skin. “Now they’re family nights.”
“I need a break, Grady. I’m exhausted.”
“I’m here to help, Babe. Tonight will be easy.”
I yawned in defiance. He squeezed me tighter and pressed a hot kiss against my skin.“If you say so.”
“We’ll spend some time with the kids, put them to bed together and then I’ll spend the rest of the night helping you relax.” His gruff words vibrated over my skin and sent tingles spiraling low in my belly. I loved how he did this to me, how his voice could put me at ease and he could soften my perspective. “We’ll watch something later, just the two of us. You pick it out. I’ll rub your feet.”
“Mmm,” I moaned when his kisses trailed up my neck to taste my earlobe. “You’ve wooed me.”
His chuckle brushed his five o’clock shadow over my ear. “That’s usually the goal.”
I spun around in his arms and let him continue to woo me. We kissed long and desperately until Blake wandered in the kitchen looking for us.
“Ew!” he groaned. “That’s gross!”
Grady pulled back from me and looked at his oldest son, “Take notes, Blake. This will come in handy someday.”
I swatted his chest but laughed, unable to find my frustration from earlier. Grady wiped it clean and filled in all of my flaws with the best parts of him.
“Mom, can I have one?”
I looked up to see Blake reaching for a bowl of popcorn. The jolt from the memory of Grady and the reality of an older Blake in front of me felt like a physical shock. My chest seized in agony and my stomach flipped with heartsick nausea.
“Please?” I reminded Blake with a broken voice.
“Please,” he whispered back. Instead of grabbing the bowl of popcorn, he walked around the island and wrapped his arms around me. I kissed the top of his head and inhaled his little boy smell.
