“He misses Grady so much,” Katherine said softly after they’d disappeared from our sight.
I kept my eyes focused on the doorway when I said, “Me too.”
A cold hand landed on my bare forearm. “It will get easier.”
I tried to give her a confident smile, but it wobbled. The truth was I didn’t want it to get better. I didn’t want to stop missing Grady. I didn’t want this pain to recede because that would mean I would be over this. Over him.
And I never wanted to be.
He was the great love of my life and I was terrified to forget one small detail about him. Even now the touch of his rough hands and the sweet scent of his skin were only sensory memories. I couldn’t capture those intangible things in pictures or on video.
And thatterrifiedme.
Noticing my struggle not to lose it, Katherine lowered her voice. “It will, Liz. You’ll learn to breathe again. You’ll learn to live again.”
The tears started falling, but she didn’t offer a hug or more encouraging words. She’d said enough. And I was still trying to decide if she’d helped or hurt me more. I wiped them away again, thankful that I hadn’t bothered with makeup this morning.
“I’d like to have the kids for a sleepover next weekend if that works for you? I was thinking I could pick upJaceand Lucy from your house before school gets out and then we’d swing over and grab the older kids before we went back to my house. Trevor is going to stay with me to help manage them.”
“They would love that, Katherine.”
She smiled at me. “Good. You can have a bit of a break and I get to spoil them rotten.”
I found myself smiling too. This was the easiest it had been between us in as long as I could remember. The sounds of squealing children and roaring filled the house.
“Would you like help with lunch?”
I listened to the kids for another moment and thought of Ben’s accusing words. Maybe he was right. Maybe I did have a hard time accepting help.
“I’d love some. Thank you.”
Chapter Seven
By the time Wednesday rolled around, whatever good vibes I’d been feeling over the weekend had been smashed to smithereens. Every morning had been a battle to get the kids out the door and into the car before school started.
We ran out of milk in the middle of breakfast Monday morning and everything went downhill after that. I forgot Blake’s first soccer practice Monday night and he came home from school on Tuesday completely devastated because he was the only one of his friends not there. I hadn’t gotten along with Abby in days. She’d been unmanageable, disobedient and just difficult.Jace, wellJacewas two. So he was always a challenge.
And Lucy had taken everything green from her room and lugged it down to the basement earlier this evening.
Her behavior hurt the most. I realized the purging of everything green was my fault. I hadn’t meant to scar her little life so drastically. I had been angry and upset and I had included my four-year-old daughter in something I should have been protecting her from.
But my partner was gone. The man that I was supposed to run to when I needed advice, encouragement and support. The man that was supposed to listen to me when I needed to talk, when I just needed to get words out of my chest. The man that was supposed to tug me against his chest and promise that everything would be okay. That I would be okay.
He was gone.
He’d left me.
And I didn’t know what to do now.
I made bad decisions. I yelled at my children more than I should. I forgoteverything. And I couldn’t seem to help this family get back to center.
Before bed, I’d set the kids up with a movie on my bed and taken Lucy to her bedroom alone so we could chat. I sat her down on her bed with everything she’d taken down to the basement on the floor in front of us, and I’d explained why the color green disturbed me so much right now.
I told her that it reminded me of her daddy, and his gorgeous green eyes. I told her how much I loved his eyes and how much I loved him. I told her that when I saw that color, I couldn’t help but think of him and when I thought of him, Imissedhim. I told her how hard it was for me to miss him and that I wished he hadn’t left us.
I told her that I didn’t hate the color green after all, but that I loved it. I told her it was my most favorite color of all. I reminded her that her eyes were also green, just like her daddy’s and that I loved looking at them too. I promised her that green wouldn’t make me sad anymore, because it would help me remember how much I loved Daddy and how much he loved his family, how much he loved her.
We hugged each other for a very long time, while she told me how much she missed him too. We spent time together putting each item back in its place and picking up her room. She had needed alone time with her mother and I had needed to work through that with her.
