My makeup was onpoint, and my style trendy enough to get by. My hair was tamed today, and mynails had been recently manicured. I looked how I was supposed to look for thejob I was supposed to have.
Sure, there werethings that I would change about myself if I could. I’d always thought my nosewas too upturned and my eyes too big beneath my small forehead—which was why Idid the whole bang thing. I definitely wouldn’t have complained about biggerboobs or hips that had some flare. There was a scar on my collarbone that Iliked to keep hidden. It was from when Vera and I were kids and Vann thought hewas a ninja. Vann still apologized for the throwing star incident to this day.
Anyway, there weredefinitely things about me that I would change. But thismissing somethingwas hard to pinpoint. It didn’t feel physical tome. It was deeper than that. Trickier than that.
My chest ached as Iexamined myself and nibbled on my bottom lip, hoping to figure out why Icouldn’t just be happy with where my life was. Why couldn’t I just be happy formy best friend without having this existential crisis in which I questionedevery single life choice I’d ever made?
I looked over atVera where she stood leaning against the wall. Her free hand tugged on her wildhair that was still drying, and she smiled into the phone with googly eyes andimaginary hearts floating around her head. She had never been so in love. Shehad never been this happy before.
And Iwashappy for her. I was. But herhappiness only spotlighted my unhappiness. Her bliss only shed light on mymisery. Her joy revealed my lack of. Her contentment exaggerated myrestlessness.
I couldn’t figureout why. It wasn’t really about Killian or her engagement and not-so-distantwedding. It wasn’t about Vera finding her soul mate, true love, and Disney-esquefairy tale.
Honestly, I hadnever really been all that into the happily ever after. Even as a little girl,when I pictured being a grown-up, it was the job I dreamed of, not the man. Itwas the career, not the house in the suburbs with two-point-five kids and amatching poodle that I wished for. Plus, there was no one in my immediatecircle that I would even consider dating.
Except maybe ChrisPratt. Obviously, I considered the entire cast ofGuardians of the Galaxyin my immediate circle.
So why the gapinghole in my chest where there should be nothing but spastic enthusiasm for mybest friend?
She hung up thephone and did a little dance of glee. “He loves it!” she squealed. “He’scalling our business manager now.”
“Business manager?You’re so fancy I can’t even handle it.”
She wrinkled hernose. “Not even close. But this guy is a lifesaver. He handles the millionphone calls and deals with the contractors when they’re idiots. He is basicallydoing all the jobs I don’t want to do.”
“How did you findhim?”
“Ezra,” she repliedcasually. Like it was easy to say his name, and talk about him, and throw himinto conversations. Like he wasn’t the most successful person we both knew. “Hehas all the connections.”
“I still can’tbelieve he’s so cool with Killian opening a restaurant. You’re going to be hiscompetition now. Isn’t he at least mildly pissed?”
She shook her head.“Not even a little bit. But I also don’t think he looks at us like competition.Ezra is a lot like Killian in that they’re hard to get to know, but once theytrust you, their loyalty is pretty much unbreakable. Ezra is really happy forKillian.”
I made a hummingnoise in lieu of a verbal response.
“You should givehim another chance, Molls,” Vera suggested. “He’s not that bad when you get toknow him.”
Grabbing mytoiletries from around me, I threw them into my makeup case and walked over tomy gym bag. The locker room had started to fill up with the before-work crowd,and it was getting steamy and uncomfortably warm.
“I’m sure he is,” Iagreed with her. “He’s all rainbows, sunshine, and no judgment.”
Vera snickered.“No, he’s none of those things. But he somehow grows on you anyway.”
My stomach growledloudly and I took the opportunity to change the subject. “I’m starving, Vere.Feed me.”
She grabbed her gymbag and made a sour face. “I would like to feed you. Real food. What we’reabout to do is basically defiling the food industry. I just want you to beaware of that.”
I narrowed my eyesin thought. “I think I’m going to get a breakfast burrito too. I deserve itafter what you put me through.”
“Blasphemy!”
Grinning at her, Iheld the locker room door open. “You only have yourself to blame.”
She batted hereyelashes at me on her way out. “Should we tryCrossfitnext time? Whole30? Your mom’s old Cindy Crawford tapes?”
We laughed all theway to our cars. And then all the way through our short breakfast. And thenwhen we said goodbye in the parking lot to go our separate ways.
The crazy thingwas, I would try any stupid workout or diet or doomsday cult Vera came up withbecause I loved her too much to tell her no. And because I’d hated it when shelived in Charlotte. And I’d really hated it when she’d been with Derrek.
