Ty pulled something up on the computer quickly, his fingers clacking against the keyboard rapidly. “Stephen just clocked in. You’ll be covered for a while. Now tell me what is going on between the two of you.” He waited for a minute while I gathered my courage and seemed to infer something from my silence. All of a sudden, he snapped, “You’re pregnant, aren’t you?”
“Oh my gosh! Ty!” I hissed. “You cannot just throw out accusations like that! And no! I’m not pregnant.”
Holy hell, that was going to get back to my brothers somehow.
“Alright, you’re not pregnant. Then tell me what’s going on.”
So I did. I started with my terrible roommate and identity theft and how Fin needed money and he thought I owed it to him. I told him how we worked out a deal, and I’d been scrimping and saving for the last four weeks just to save up something for him because I couldn’t go to my family. When he gave me the stink eye for my stubbornness I explained a truth I hadn’t realized until that morning. I didn’t go to my family at first because I didn’t want their help, but lately I realized I would do anything to help Fin. Now I didn’t go to them because I didn’t want them to think badly of Fin. I didn’t want them to look down on his online poker game when all he was doing was trying to provide a better life for his family and I didn’t want them to look down on him for demanding money from me when it would be so clear to them that it wasn’t my debt to begin with. Now I didn’t ask for help because I was protecting Fin. I finished my story with how close we’d gotten through this whole thing, and how we both wanted more but the money was standing in the way.
“So why doesn’t he just erase the debt?” Ty asked at the end of it.
“I won’t let him. If he cancels the debt because he wants to sleep with me, then that means I sold out for seven thousand dollars. I can’t, Ty. I would never respect myself and neither would he.”
“But it sounds like he wants more than sex,” Ty observed.
I blushed deeply; this was a weird conversation to have with my boss.
“He’s never said that to me,” I argued. “And I wouldn’t want to have more anyway. He graduates in a month, and his whole life revolves around taking care of Declan. I don’t want to get in the way of that. Besides, I’m a mess, a walking disaster. I don’t even know what I want to major in yet and next year I’ll be a junior. I’m not good for him.”
“What you’re trying to tell me right now is you’re notgood enoughfor him.” My breath hitched in my throat at his words. I’d been ignoring those thoughts and feelings, but now that Ty just laid them out there for me I couldn’t help but agree that they were true. “Listen, Ellie, I know your ex-boyfriend messed you up-“
“No, he didn’t,” I interrupted. “I don’t care about Colton.”
“Eleanor, you dated him for a long time, five years or something.”
“Three,” I interrupted again but I felt the heaviness of what he was saying.
He nodded his head like he was allowing my insight of information. “Now, I don’t know if you loved him or not, but three years is a long time. And the boy treated you poorly and then he did wrong by you. That messes with a girl’s self-esteem. But you need to understand that you allowed Colton to happen in your life and you allowed that to continue. It’s not your fault that he cheated on you, that boy lost the best thing that could have ever happened to him. But all his misdeeds messed with your head. And it’s up to you now whether you’re going to allow Fin to happen to you, or if you’re going to shut him down and allow this pattern of unworthy boys and heartache to continue to happen to you.”
Ty’s words were like an ice cold bucket of reality thrown over my head and I really wanted to resent him for them. But I couldn’t. He was right. “So you’re saying I have low self-esteem and my only option for happiness is to date Fin? Otherwise I’m going to date losers for the rest of my life?” Even though I believed everything Ty was saying I couldn’t get the disbelief out of my tone.
“I’m saying, that you have strong feelings for Fin. And Fin, obviously has very, very strong feelings for you, otherwise he wouldn’t be pursuing this hard. If you turn your back on something that could be good, really, really good for both of you, then you’re telling the universe you don’t want good things. You’ll settle for subpar. You’ll settle for being hurt.”
I couldn’t stop my head from rearing back. Was Ty right?
“What happened to just working on me for a little bit?” I grasped at straws.
“Ellie, if you can’t see what a great man Fin Hunter is, and how good he would treat you then maybe you don’t deserve him,” I opened my mouth to protest but he held up his hand and so I just listened. “He has been to hell and back more than once in his life. He doesn’t let people in easily and he doesn’t trust others ever. Everyone important in his life has let him down at some point or the other except for his grandmother and his brother. He has walls so thick I didn’t think anything could get through them. But then there’s you. And he’s invited you to family dinner at his grandmother’s house. And you’re not sure if you can let go of your pride long enough to even consider what this boy is offering to you.” Tears pricked at my eyes, my heart breaking for Fin all over again. “And Ellie, if Fin is offering his heart to you, it’s just a formality because believe me when I say you already have it.”
Those words hung in the air between us with so much weight I didn’t think I would be able to breathe through them.
“Ok, but what about the fact that he doesn’t believe me about Tara? He still thinks I’m the one that lost all that money.” It was my last defense, my last hope to come out of this unscathed.
“Sweetheart, do you really think Fin would let you get that close if he still believed you’re the one that ripped him off? Hell, he might never have believed it. Maybe he just wanted to keep you around.”
Something about that resonated so true with me; I actually jumped from the way my heart slammed into my chest.
I swiped at a tear and mumbled, “Geez, Ty, when did you get to be such a romantic.”
“I’m not,” he huffed. “I just care for those kids.”
“Why? How did you get to know them?”
“I served with his dad in Afghanistan. I was there when he died. He regretted every day I knew him how he abandoned his kids, but he admitted he wasn’t man enough to do anything about it. He ran from how hard it was, while his first born son stayed to take over his job. Colin wasn’t a bad man apart from what he did to his family, but he was lost. And he punished himself every day. While he was dying he begged me to do the job that he couldn’t, made me promise to look after his family. I said I would, of course. Colin died as a man filled with bitter regrets, I knew I could never let myself become like that. But when I got here, I realized his family didn’t need me to take care of them, they had Fin.”
I was full on crying now, a big sobbing mess.
“Fin’s been single-minded since the day I met him. I didn’t think anything could penetrate those thick defenses he’s built around him. But then it seems, there is you.”
