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The next day I walked into my Econ class feeling so off kilter. At the forefront of my mind was Beckett attacking Britte. Truthfully, I never really had a best friend before her. Growing up, I had my brothers to play with, and my parents’ house sat on an acreage far from any other houses where I might have found children my age. My mom homeschooled all of us through private tutors until we were middle school age. She sent each of us off to public school at that time, hoping we would gain the necessary social skills to cope in real life. My brothers were all good-looking, extremely athletic and unable to ever be embarrassed. They did fine.
Me? I was painfully shy and reserved. I tried to follow their footsteps in the only formula I had seen work and that was to play sports. That opened up my social circle a little bit, but I never made any lasting friendships.
Finally, Colton walked into my life and kind of took over. Suddenly I had weekend plans and someone to text and talk to. I had someone paying me attention and making an effort to be with me. The best part was that he didn’t let my brothers intimidate him. Well, to a certain extent of course they did. He wouldn’t so much as hold my hand if we were anywhere on my parents property and the few times he accidentally bumped into me, he apologized like we were strangers. But my brothers didn’t stop him from coming around. He at least showed up.
And at the time that was all I was asking for.
Even after we went our separate ways for college, he still tried with me. He called me all the time, texted all the time, spent weekends traveling to see me. He was never the perfect boyfriend; he flirted shamelessly with other girls and often forgot things I thought were important. But I was all about giving A’s for effort and he was exceeding in the effort department.
Things didn’t take a terrible turn until I followed him to La Crosse. It was his begging that initially brought me here, but once we were together full time it was obvious how little we still had in common, how all his effort would still pull us up short. He cheated on me and I should be outraged. And sure, my vanity was offended and I was more than embarrassed. At first, I could even say I was almost heartbroken. My trust in someone I cared about was shattered and that rocked me.
But now looking back on what happened, with a little bit of perspective, I saw that we were headed toward the finish line anyway. He just maybe jumped the gun a little bit, but our breakup was inevitable.
I think even my brothers and parents saw that coming. Nobody was particularly shocked with the news, although my brothers did make an effort to save face and protect my reputation.
I could be bitter about the move to La Crosse now, and there were some moments when I was. But I would do it all over again just to have Britte.
When we met at that special orientation, we bonded immediately. She sat down next to me with a sigh of aggravation and launched into a story about Admissions messing up her schedule. She was furious until we realized her mistake would put us in the same English 102 class. Her ire subsided and our friendship grew as we continued to talk through orientation. At the end, we exchanged numbers and then the texting began. She started it, of course. I was still reeling with rollercoaster emotions that included insecurity, elation and most brightly self-doubt.
All those feelings were quickly erased though when I realized how easy Britte made friendships in general. It was probably through that relationship that I started to see all the flaws with Colton. Not that I was thinking of Britte in the same light, I mean…. ew. But it was the first real relationship outside of my family that just happened naturally. I understood then that I didn’t have to fight to make something work, if it wasn’t. Colton didn’t have to be “the one” for me just because I had been with him so long.
I might have stopped trying so hard.
And that’s when Colton probably started looking around elsewhere.
I should have just ended it when I realized I could never marry him, but there was safety in the familiar and I had just moved schools for him. My pride forced me to see it through. Besides, I reasoned that maybe if I stopped trying so hard things would become more natural for us.
I wondered if there was more to Beckett’s outrage with Britte than just trying to protect me. It was easy to reason that Britte was the one thing I had left in my life outside of my family and that if she hurt me I could very well be traumatized. It could also be reasoned that everyone in my family was so frustratingly pig-headed and domineering that any small slight by Britte could be construed as a bad influence.
Or it could be something entirely different….
“We’re friends, right?” a deep voice interrupted my mental-sleuthing to the right of me. “I can sit here?”
“Huh? What?” I was oh so eloquent when being pulled from deep thoughts.
“It’s Ok if I sit here?” the voice asked again and I finally focused on the face long enough to determine who it was.
Jameson.
“I know you?” I asked just to be bitchy. Which wasn’t technically directed at him, but I felt like Fin had something to do with this.
His pale cheeks flushed a blooming red that made his skin so attractive. “Jameson,” he whispered as if super embarrassed to have to remind me. “We met yesterday.”
“Oh, right, Fin’s friend.” I smiled a little, softening up. “Did he send you to spy on me?”
He ducked his head, and then looked up at me from under dark eye lashes. “Uh, no.” He cleared his throat nervously, and then admitted, “Not today.”
“So before?” I narrowed my eyes on him, feeling no more mercy. “You’re the reason he knew I was failing Econ?”
His blush deepened and I was happy to see he at least felt bad. “Sorry. I was just doing a favor for a friend. I had no idea what kind of trouble you were in.”
“I’mnot in trouble.” I said defensively while dropping my voice. “My dumb ex-roommate, Tara the Taker is in trouble. She stole my identity.”
He snorted a little at that, rebounding from his earlier insecurity. “Fin said you’d say that.” I opened my mouth to give him my side of the argument but he just talked over me. “You know usually girls don’t forget my name.”
Oh, no. Another one of these guys. I paused for a moment, letting his cocky words hang in the air to see if he would pick up on his out of place arrogance. He didn’t, so I had to stoop to a tactic I usually reserved for my brothers. “I don’t really know what you want me to say here? Uh, congratulations?”
