I was really worried about the winner of the game, after he explained to me that usually transactions are made online, but I/Tara closed my/her account immediately following my/her colossal loss, therefore leaving the winner high and dry.
And even though Fin promised me the winner technically had no idea who I was, since the game survived because of its anonymity, I had still been worried. One super scary man coming to my door was enough. What if the next guy wasn’t as nice as Fin?
And that was assuming I could call Fin “nice.”
But then he told me that the money went through him, so he already paid the winner and the money was actually due him, outright.
Which somehow made me feel worse for the debt. Even though it wasn’t mine to owe. I felt all itchy and uncomfortable thinking about Fin paying all that money when he might not ever get paid back. Especially from me.
“That bad huh?” Britte asked from the other side of an empty table. She pushed in the chairs I was neglecting and righted the salt and pepper shaker, double checking the lids for pranks we deemed outdated, but the general middle school population still found hilarious.
“What do you mean?” I looked up at her so jealous that even flushed from busing tables and in her greasy black polo uniform she was gorgeous and poised. The dull black of the Bailey’s uniform only seemed to intensify the shiny glow of her glossy hair. Today her eyeliner was neon green and only worked to set off her bright emerald eyes. I loved her, she was my best friend. But honestly, how pretty she was just didn’t seem fair to the rest of us mere mortals.
“Fin Hunter,” she whispered dramatically. “You’ve been staring at the same spot on this table for six entire minutes. Your face is all puckered and your eyebrows are actually pointing downward. Was he mean to you?”
“No, he wasn’t mean,” I admitted even while I wondered why he wasn’t.
“Did he really expect sexual favors?” Britte gasped. “Because I will castrate him if he did. Or not, if you um, liked them.”
I blushed. “Britte!”
“So, that’s a no then. Just as frustrated as always?” She gave me a smirk and moved on to the next table forcing me to follow her so I could defend myself.
“He really just made me work for him. Nothing weird happened.” Except I almost attacked his mouth with my mouth. But even to my best friend I couldn’t admit that out loud.
“So what does that mean?” she pressed.
“Mostly he has me research potential gamblers. I have to make sure their credible just in time for them to destroy their credit. It’s complicated, you wouldn’t understand,” I explained dryly.
“Oooh,” she gushed. “So you get to spy on them? Are they all people we know?”
“Or have heard of.”
Britte made a squeal of delight, or intrigue since this whole fiasco was feeding her gossip obsession too. “I need names.”
“No way,” I shook my head. “I’ve been sworn to secrecy.”
“Yes, fine. But those things never include best friends. And it turns out that I am your best friend. You must include me.”
“Seriously, B, I can’t. You know at least half of these people, or have heard of them. And Fin would kill me if I told. Well, first he will kill me for the money I never intend on paying him back and then he’ll raise me from the dead, just in time to kill me again. I can’t do it. I value my life too much. Or my…. reincarnated sEcond life too much.”
Britte paused to think that over and with a curt nod of her head, turned back over her shoulder to say, “I understand that.”
“Oh, good,” surprised by her easy concession I went back to work.
“I understand that you can’t tell me their names. But if I guess them, that’s a whole new thing, right?” she smirked at me and then skipped, yes literally skipped, off to gather menus from the different server stations.
I stared after her until Ty shouted from across the room for me to get back to work. Really, I was not this negligent of an employee, but today did not seem to be my day. Although the same could have been said about this week…. month…. year.
Gah! Stop feeling sorry for yourself.
I wandered back to the host stand to greet an elderly couple. They were holding hands and smiling at each other and I had to physically hold back the “aw” I wanted to sigh. I took them to their seat wondering about that kind of love. My parents seemed to be in love, although they could be intense at times. This couple seemed to be the llifelong-googly-eyed kind of love and who knew how long they had put up with each other.
A pit of despair settled in my stomach and I couldn’t understand it. I wasn’t exactly on the hunt for love, or for a relationship. My last boyfriend ended in disaster and maybe Fin was right, maybe there wasn’t even a future for us if he hadn’t been the cheating bastard he turned out to be.
So why did I hold on to him for three years?
I didn’t feel desperate, or needy or clingy…. But could those words be used to describe me if I stayed in an unhealthy relationship for that long?
