“Hey, we all have deliveryservices,” he pointed out, referring to commercial kitchens. “I just have thebest one.”
“So, foster mom, huh?” It wasn’texactly a subtle question, but I was too curious to be polite.
He squinted, watching the marketclose for the day instead of me. “Yeah, the one that finally stuck.”
“What do you mean?”
He dropped his gaze to mine, and I hadto take a deep breath to steady my erratic nerves. How could I be attracted tosomeone as serious and intense as Killian? How could I even consider a man so similarto my ex? At least on the surface. It made no sense.
There had to be something wrong withme.
“That’s a story for a differenttime,” he answered. “It’s kind of dramatic and I don’t want to scare you offjust yet.”
I swallowed the disappointment andcovered my reaction with sarcasm. “Too late.”
His crooked smile made my insidesmelty. “We should make some time to talk about it, though. I’ll share all thegory details of my childhood, and you can tell me about your dad. We don’t evenhave to talk about food.”
The bottom fell out from beneath me,and I was surprised I didn’t have to flail as I regained my balance. “Are youasking me on a date?”
He lifted one shoulder. “Yeah, adate. It could be fun.”
I licked dry lips and wished I couldtake a step back. “As fun as talking about my sick dad and your traumaticchildhood sounds, I, uh, I can’t.”
His low voice softened, but not in agentle way. Careful. Controlled. Curious. “You can’t?”
His frown, his smooth voice, hisintimidating tattoos that made him so much cooler than me, flustered me. Ididn’t know how to explain to him that it wasn’t him. It was me. It wasallme. But there were too many secretsthat accompanied that truth. If I told him one, I’d have to tell them all. AndI wasn’t ready for that.
He wanted to keep his past a secret.
So did I.
“I just got out of a relationship,”I braved. “It ended badly. I’m not ready to get into something new.”
“I’m not asking you to marry me,” hecountered. “Just a drink. Share a meal with me. Have a conversation. Nothingcrazy.”
God, I wanted to say yes. Yes, to allof it. A drink, a meal, a conversation… him. I wanted him. “I know,” I mumbled.I felt my chest start to crack, a thin fissure that snaked from breastbone tonavel, starting the fracture that would split me open. But I’d stopped trustingmyself to do the right thing a long time ago.
I couldn’t give in now.
I couldn’t undo everything I’dworked so hard to get back.
“I need more time,” I told him, myvoice thin with desperation. I needed him to understand. To back off before Icrumbled under the light pressure of his interest. “I’m sorry, it was just areally bad relationship. How did you phrase it? Gory.” Only I meant that quiteliterally.
A muscle in his neck jumped. “Youbroke up recently?”
“Before I left for Europe,” Iconfessed. “Over a year ago.”
His shoulders drooped, and I couldhave sworn his expression twisted with disappointment. “You’re not over him?”
My heart tripped over its erraticbeating, and I nearly fell over. He assumed I was still hung up on Derrek? Andof course he would, because he didn’t know any of the details, but he had noidea. The idea that I was still interested… that I could still want… My stomachtwisted at the very thought.
Never again.
I would never give into Derrekagain.
Even if that meant a lifetime of celibacyand no professional recognition.
“It’s not what you think. I’m overwhat happened. I’m just… I just can’t get a drink with you or a meal. I’msorry, Killian.”
