When we turned to walk down the porch steps his hand landed on my back for a brief moment before he snatched it back. My skin burned where his fingers had brushed and I immediately missed his touch, even though it had been brief.
It was the first time he had touched me since the night I left him.
He was wound tightly by the time we were in his Bronco again. He didn’t say a word as he started the car and drove out of the neighborhood.
It was a twenty-ish minute drive from Smith’s West Omaha estate to the midtown condo I lived in with my mom. The geography of the city transformed drastically in those minutes. Sprawling neighborhoods and strip malls gave way to clustered buildings and old architecture mingled with new. My building was a new construction project nestled between lower income neighborhoods and the Mutual of Omaha skyscraper.
“Is it always going to be this awkward between us?” I asked when we were close to my old apartment.
“How much time are we going to spend together before you head back?” he returned.
He pulled into the huge circle drive that was mainly for people coming to shop the high-end Midtown boutiques or grab some food. He found a spot close to the stairs that led to the walkway around the shops beneath the condos and parked.
Neither of us hesitated to scramble out of the car and away from the tension that seemed to follow us everywhere today. We walked up to the shops that were quiet this early in the morning. Only a few of the stores had opened up and the heat kept everyone inside.
My heart stuttered when a punch of nostalgia hit me. I hadn’t expected to miss this place. I hated my mother and because of that, I hated my apartment. So many terrible memories were wrapped up in this place. Yet, my heart still recognized it ashome. I loved this area of town and I loved this town especially.
Good memories lived and breathed here, too. Ryder giving me rides home when we were just starting our fragile friendship. Hanging out at Delice with Phoenix, Ryder, Exie and Sloane. Ryder rescuing me from my birthday party last summer. Ryder texting me or calling me late at night to check up on me.
Okay, so maybe my good memories had more to do with Ryder than this physical place. Maybe that was the reason that I felt safe here now. I had Ryder with me and he had always protected me in the past.
He had always done whatever he could to keep me safe.
“Do you still work at Delice?” I asked as we walked into the lobby of the condo building.
He led the way to the elevator and pushed the up button. “No.”
A swell of sadness crashed through me. “Oh, really? Why not?”
The elevator doors opened and we stepped inside. Ryder pushed the button for my floor and turned to face me.
“My uncle Matt and my dad opened a music store actually. So I work there now.”
“Oh, wow!” I had expected another thing to feel guilty for. Maybe that was conceited, but I couldn’t imagine a reason why Ryder would give up his job at our favorite coffee shop. He loved it there. But this wasn’t just a reason for him to leave; it was a really great reason for him to leave. “That’s so cool, Ryder. What kind of store? Is your dad still teaching?”
The elevator doors opened up on the top floor of the building. The long hall to my apartment stretched before me. It took Ryder walking out of the elevator to convince my feet to move.
He glanced over his shoulder and kept our chat going. His words helped distract my increasingly anxious thoughts. “Yes,” he said. “Matty runs the store full-time and my dad is still teaching. It’s just a musician’s store. They sell sheet music and instruments and offer lessons. It’s in NoDo, over by the Slowdown.”
“That’s really… cool,” I finished lamely, realizing I had already said that.
“Yeah, Red, it’s pretty cool.”
“No free drinks though.”
He laughed.Really laughed. His shoulders shook and the sound came out naturally. I smiled cautiously and memorized the sound.
“That’s true,” he chuckled. “No free drinks, which is really a bummer since I used to get so much out of them.” He shot me a sly look over his shoulder and my stomach fluttered from delicious memories.
Kisses.
I used to trade coffee for kisses.
“Do you have your key?” he asked.
I shook my head. I didn’t have it. I didn’t even know why we’d come here. It just felt like I needed to. I didn’t know if it was instinct or closure that brought me here, but I knew I needed to see it for myself.
I reached out and twisted the handle. It wasn’t locked. The door swung open and I felt my eyes go wide at the untouched apartment in front of me.
