The brokenness in his voice weaved through me, making me feel his pain as acutely as my own. “I wanted to protect you.”
He shook his head as if he did not accept that answer. “I don’t want to talk about this right now. That’s not why I’m here.”
His dismissal of my intentions burned. “Okay, then why are you here?”
“Why did you come back? Phoenix said you’re in trouble. Why would you come back here if you’re in trouble?”
I let out a humorless laugh and plopped down on the bed. “I’m always in trouble, Ryder. I thought you of all people would know that.” He raised his eyebrows expectantly, waiting for more. “I had a visitor the other night. Hermes came to see me.”
“Hermes? The god?”
I shrugged a shoulder. It wasn’t all that impressive. That sneaky bastard could pop up anywhere he wanted. “He told me you were in trouble. I just wanted to see for myself.”
His eyebrows went even higher and he leaned forward to clarify, “You thought I was in trouble so you came out of hiding to check on me?”
God, when he put it like that, after last night, I felt like such an idiot. “Well, he said my mom and Honor were in trouble too. I don’t really care about Ava.” Although I was starting to wonder if that was still true. “But I’m worried about Honor. I couldn’t get ahold of Smith and so I started to worry Hermes was telling the truth. When I got here, I found out you were okay, but Exie and Sloane arenot.”
“It was you the other morning.” He pointed an accusatory finger at me. “The unknown caller.”
“I wanted to know you were at least alive.”
He retracted his hand and stared at me silently. I could see him working something out behind those gray eyes, but I didn’t think I wanted to know what it was. Finally, in a very smooth voice, he said, “I’m alive.”
I pressed my lips together to keep from smiling and agreed. “You are alive.”
“So tell me about Exie and Sloane. What did you find out?”
“They’re gone. You were right. Nix took them shortly after I left. I couldn’t find Exie’s mom, but Sloane’s told me even she didn’t know where Nix had taken them.”
Ryder’s expression turned very grim. “And what did you find out about your mom?”
“She’s gone too. Nix handed her over to the Fates.”
“Give it to me, Red. Tell me everything you know.”
I shook my head. “I don’t want to pull you into this. I don’t even know what’s going on or how involved I am yet. I don’t want to put you in danger again.”
He stalked over to me, each footstep punctuating his growing frustration. I cleared my throat nervously, unsure what he wanted from me or why we needed to be so close.
He might be super pissed at me, but I had spent our separation convinced I stayed away because I loved him. Nothing about my feelings for him had lessened. In fact, they might have grown stronger. It didn’t seem fair because this was the first polite conversation we’d had since the night Nix had nearly killed him. This thing inside of me should have faded or lessened or done anything but grow and burn and turn into this hot blaze inside of me.
He stood over me with his arms still crossed and said, “That is not a decision you get to make. You can be a martyr for your friends or for your mom or whomever else you deem too weak to stand up for, but I am not that person, Ivy. I don’t want you to fight my battles for me or choose how and when to keep me out of danger. I decide when I want to get involved and when I want to stay out of it. It has always been that way for me. Even with you.Especially with you. So do me a favor and don’t pull that bullshit anymore. When I ask you what is going on, either tell me that you don’t want to say because you don’t want to say ortell me what’s going on.Don’t keep it from me because you think you’reprotecting me.”
He said “protecting me” like it was a curse word. But his rant had made some sense and forced me to examine my motives for keeping everything a secret. When I was honest with myself, I found that I wanted to tell him. I wanted to talk it out and see if he could pick up on something I had missed.
“Fine, Ryder. You want to know all of the sordid details, that’s just fine.”
“Good.”
“Just… just tell me why you want to know first. Why do you want to get mixed up in this again?”
He let out a weary sigh and sat down on the bed with me. He sat nowhere near me; there was plenty of space between us, but I felt him this close. I felt him all over my skin and deep in my bones.
“Morbid curiosity,” he answered.
I didn’t believe him for a second. “Not good enough.”
“Well, it’s as good as you’re going to get.” He sounded very serious about that.
