I ignored the building nerves that threatened to sweep me away and concentrated on this city I loved, even with all of the potential dangers attached to it.
The drive from the airport to the Slowdown only took a few minutes. The ride was both too long and way too short. I wasn’t ready for this moment and yet it felt like my entire life had been a journey to get me exactly here.
I paid the cabby and stepped out to face one of my most favorite places on earth. My hands shook as I tried to convince my mind that I was actually here… that I was actually standinghere, in this spot, and that Ryder could possibly… probably… hopefully… be standing just inside the concert hall.
Doubt roiled through me and I questioned my decision. Maybe I should wait to see him? Or maybe I should turn around and run again.
I winced and rubbed a shaking hand over my face.
“Get it together, Ivy,” I grumbled to myself wishing it was as simple as saying those words out loud.
I hesitated on the sidewalk for another minute, until a group of girls walked by me. Their laughter broke my mind out of my cowardly stupor and I followed them into the Slowdown.
Cool air washed over my bare arms and I belatedly realized how hot it was outside. I had been so wrapped up in my fears I hadn’t even noticed the sweat that broke out through my thick hair and slid down my spine.
It was well after seven by the time I paid my cover and walked into the main part of the venue. I recognized Sugar Skulls on stage immediately.
My stomach dropped to my toes and I forgot how to breathe.
I didn’t know what I expected when I decided to come here, but I knew for certain that I wasn’t prepared for this. My body jerked alive with feelings I had denied myself for months. My skin pebbled with goose bumps and my heart took off in a sprint.
I tried to regulate my breathing as I skirted the outside of the crowd, hoping nobody noticed me. I kept my head down, but attempted to discreetly check out the tightly-packed people filling up the place.
I wondered if Exie or Sloane would be here. Or Kenna?
Or did Nix already know I’d arrived in the city? Had he already sent his goons after me?
Or would he come himself?
I shook my head, trying to clear it. I just wanted to see Ryder. I just wanted to make sure that he was all right.
I could hear him as he sung out his clever lyrics in that gravelly, smoky voice of his. I had to close my eyes for a brief second as I let it sink into me.
They had gotten better as a band over the months I’d been away. They sounded really good. I glanced up at the stage, looking everywhere but at the lead singer. I wanted to check out who else was there, but I wasn’t ready to look at him yet.
Hudson, Cole and Hayden were there in their old places and Phoenix was banging it out on the drums. There was a new guy on the keyboard and my heart stuttered at the sight of him. The petty part of me was just happy they hadn’t replaced me with another girl.
Once I reached the back of the crowd, I finally let myself look at him.
I lifted my eyes to that center position on stage and for a minute I couldn’t think, I couldn’t even figure out what was happening in my brain.
I just stared at him. I just let myself take him in and adjust to his presence.
Ryder Sutton.
His hair was a wild mess on top of his head, dark, tangled and perfect. I gave myself permission to absorb his face for as long as I wanted. He was gorgeous. Beyond gorgeous. His crooked nose and chiseled jaw were just like I remembered them, only so much better because they were real and in front of me.
I had spent too much time while I was away just trying to remember everything about him perfectly. I could never do him justice though. The memories of his face would blur or I was convinced I had exaggerated some favorite feature.
But standing here, finally looking at him again, my stomach fluttered with nerves and something deeper.
His eyes were closed as he performed with his guitar across his chiseled chest. His black t-shirt hugged defined biceps and ended at tapered dark khakis that looked so boy-in-a-band I smiled. His studded belt and bared tattoos completed his bad boy look.
God, he was so at home on stage. Soalive.
My chest burned as I remembered that he had loved me once. I had somehow been the lone recipient of this boy’s intense love and affection. He had gifted me with all of the best of him.
And then I had left him.
