"We do not know that it must be anyone in this house," I said with more conviction than I felt.
The Lady Whisperton column contained the sort of dross one might expect: a replay of Darcy and I's very public disagreement at Mrs. Hamilton's ball. What was unexpected was Lady Whisperton's familiarity with the particulars of the dispute, that it was about Jane and Mr. Bingley not Sir Sebastian Seymour as everyone could have easily assumed, and not only had the tiff occurred in the ballroom but it had continued at home resulting in an estrangement of some duration. These were things only someone in the household should know.
"Of course it is someone in the house! Oh for heaven's sake, could someone please pass me the potatoes. This is chaos" added Mrs. Vane as she surveyed the table with a flustered expression.
I had finally altered the way dinner was served. I had requested the meal to be all laid out at once, no more of this carrying in each course nonsense. It was much less trouble for the servants and created a cozier, private family atmosphere for the five of us. Jane was dining with the Bingleys this evening. I suspect Darcy's visit to Mr. Bingley this afternoon had prompted the invitation.
"I thought you would appreciate not having servants lurking during our private conversation," I said, hoping to stifle any further critical remarks from Mrs. Vane.
"That is true," she conceded with ill grace. "But it is so unrefined, and without proper courses one does not know when to transition between topics of conversation."
I must have appeared as confused as I felt by her statement because Darcy explained, "Traditionally we adhere to a conversational schedule of sorts at dinner."
Well, that was not at all enlightening.
"First, we would discuss art. Then music—" Georgiana began but she was quickly interrupted by her aunt.
"After that we would talk about significant events—not gossip of course, and not politics—conversation must be kept polite."
"Even when you are just among family?"
"Of course," replied Mrs. Vane seeming shocked I had even asked such a question,"Who deserves your courtesy more than family?"
I studied her face for a hint of irony, but detected none. I must either deduce she does not consider me family or her definition of courtesy is very different than mine.
"And you were only allowed to discuss the assigned topic without deviation?" I asked. I was still shocked at the idea of such careful management though I should not have been. The stories Darcy had told me this morning revealed he'd had a rather structured childhood. A happy childhood to be sure, but it bore no resemblance to the untutored wildness of my upbringing.
"Allowed? You make it sound grim when you word it thusly. I think conversation is so much pleasanter when all the participants know how to proceed. It keeps everything so organized. The way a Darcy household ought to be," said Mrs. Vane.
"I must agree. Very sensible, indeed. There are things that can be said over the fish that would be positively unseemly over the cheese course," I said, endeavoring to hold back laughter. One must be courteous to family after all.
Sensing my struggle, Darcy said, "Do try not to laugh, my dear. Laughing is strictly for dessert."
"I have a terrible feeling you are not jesting," I said.
"I would not dare."
"Because jokes are for pudding?"
Georgiana interjected, "And riddles. Papa always came up with the best riddles."
"So your father carried on this tradition in your house as well?" I asked.
"Oh, yes, he was as enamored with order and propriety as any Darcy before him," Darcy replied, "And after him. I am not certain if such correctitude is a failing or a virtue."
"A virtue in most cases, I should think. And when it is a failing it is the sort of virtuous failing people are apt to excuse."
"Excuse, perhaps, but not like," said Darcy.
"Does propriety need approval? I thought the practice of it was a reward in itself. Those who exercise it are not spoiled on levity, it must give one a greater appreciation for dessert," I teased.
"Indeed," Darcy said in a manner which made me think he was implying something beyond mere agreement of my assertion. Also he was looking at me in a way that was decidedly indecent.
Mrs. Vane must have agreed, for she cleared her throat noisily and said, "I see you two have decided to like each other. I suppose that is sensible, though it would be preferable if you were less obvious about it."
"I do not mind their obviousness. I am glad to see my brother so happy," chimed Georgiana.
"As am I. But the way you are looking at her is improper, Fitzwilliam, do stop it. And will someone pass me the potatoes sometime before I wither away of starvation?"
