During quieter times, Luke had seen her write into her Bible. It was obvious how much she cherished that book, and Luke noticed that her affection toward it wasn’t just bound to her unwavering faith in God, because he had seen her take out a photograph, which sometimes made her smile, and sometimes seemed to make her sad. He didn’t know what it was about, but the obvious depths of Madelaine’s emotions were something Luke found intriguing.
However, he thought that her utter devotion to her faith was very naïve. This God hadn’t protected his family when they’d most needed Him. Instead, He had forsaken them, leaving Luke with a hole in his heart he would never again be able to fill. For him, there was no God.
Pulling himself together, he walked toward the dining room, where most of the noise came from. He was greeted with a scene of pure bliss, and it hit him so hard that he had to stop right in the doorway.
They were all there—Caleb, Evelyn and Madelaine, Belle and Simon. The adults were laughing and chatting over now-empty plates of food while Belle was chasing her big brother and Buster, Caleb’s larger-than-large bloodhound, around the table. Simon was sweet enough to run very slowly so that Belle would be able to catch him every now and again, while Buster seemed happy to pad along, picking up fallen breadcrumbs from the floor as he went.
“There he is! What are you doing here so early?” Caleb cheered with a mocking smirk when he saw him. Madelaine immediately jumped up from her chair, handed Belle over to Evelyn, and grabbed the empty plate sitting in front of his empty chair at the head of the table. They had included him in their dinner, even though he hadn’t been there.
“I didn’t want to miss dinner,” he simply said.
“You need to come home earlier than this, then,” Evelyn remarked with a grin.
He didn’t want to make it too obvious, but when his eyes landed on Madelaine, who had busied herself preparing his meal, they stayed there, watching every move she made.
“Good evening, Miss Peterson,” he said. “How are you feeling today?” he asked out of genuine concern for her well-being.
“Good evening, Luke. I have told you to call me Madelaine. Please,” she said with her melodic but firm voice, and glanced at him with one raised eyebrow for a second before looking away again.
Luke had to admit that she was beautiful. She had a mesmerizing, radiant glow about her. Despite all of his inner turmoil, it was hard to resist staring at her, and Luke lost thatbattle when she looked up at him again, just for a split second, gifting him with a shy smile. He was only a man, after all.
The bandage was long gone, and she had tied her glossy black hair into a long, thick braid, much like Evelyn’s. Some unruly, curly strands, which had escaped, framed her pretty face. Her cheeks were rosy from the warmth in the room—at least, that’s what Luke assumed.
“Smells good in here. I am starving,” he said, casually.
He forced himself not to watch her as she started piling food onto his plate from several bowls before she placed it in front of his place and pulled out his chair for him. When Madelaine smiled at him invitingly to come and eat, he walked over to her in two big strides before sitting down.
This gesture was almost too much for him. Isabelle used to do the same thing… Luke grabbed his fork and was just about to stab it into the juicy steak before him.
“We should pray,” Madelaine said as she walked back to her chair next to Evelyn, who was preoccupied with making Belle giggle.
Luke looked at Caleb, who grinned from one ear to the other, and Evelyn suddenly seemed to stare him down, too. Madelaine sat at the table, with her hands folded, steadily looking at him, patiently waiting for him to do the same.
This was not something he did. Luke didn’t pray.
Seeing all of them stare at him now, fully expecting him to bow down to this nonsense, his anger bubbled up to the surface.
“Pray? To what?” This wasn’t really a question. He looked at Madelaine’s folded hands dismissively, stabbed his fork into the steak, cut himself a nice big piece, and shoved it into his mouth. He looked straight at her when she gasped in shock and chewed with gusto.
“Luke!” Evelyn seemed outraged. “How can you say such a thing?”
“Easily,” he said, as he shoved a big spoonful of mashed potatoes into his mouth. “Don’t act so shocked and surprised, Evy. When was the last time you saw me in church?”
“Well, you don’t need to be so rude toward your guests. They don’t know all that,” Caleb supplied, which earned him a scathing glance from Luke.
“Don’t you fear… You… You don’t believe in God?” Madelaine asked, as she clutched her chest with a bewildered look on her face.
Luke, who didn’t want to continue being interrogated while having his dinner, slammed the knife and fork down ontothe table. “There is no God!” he exclaimed. “You are all fools if you earnestly think that there is some kind of higher power out there, who is protecting you all, having this grand plan for every single one of you!”
“But He does,” Caleb said with a heavy sigh.
“Nonsense!” Luke growled. Madelaine made a choked wail. Belle started crying, and Simon hid behind Madelaine’s chair.
Luke knew that he shouldn’t talk like this in front of a stranger, but he couldn’t help himself. His immense guilt at leaving his family, his terror at finding them, and then the horror of burying them with his own hands all came flooding back to him in the moment, and it fueled a rage he didn’t want to allow to rise to the surface.
He took a deep breath to try and calm down a little, because he didn’t like how this outburst made him feel. Then he looked at every single one of their shocked faces.
“This is my house, the one I had to rebuild after my home was burned down! So, please forgive me for not bending the knee to all of your demands to pray to a God who doesn’t care about me.”
