Madelaine knew that the little girl wasn’t really old enough to understand, so she took the chance to reinforce her ruse of not remembering everything by pretending not to know her. She lowered her chin, avoided direct eye contact, and slowly shook her head. “Who is Belle?”
Simon gasped, stared at Belle, then back at her with wide eyes full of shock, before pointing straight at the little girl, who was happily mumbling to herself in her own little world. “Her! This is Belle! She’s our little sister!”
Just as Madelaine shook her head, Belle looked up and beamed at her with the brightest smile she’d ever seen. Madelaine’s heart tore right down the middle into a thousand pieces. Guilt bubbled up like boiling water foaming over the rim of a pot. It left her feeling empty, void of any decency and sincerity, as if she was a hollow shell, not worthy of anything good. It was a horrible feeling.
She didn’t want to do this. Madelaine truly didn’t want to lie. But she didn’t know any of these people well enough to trust them, so she had to play this game to protect her siblings. Swallowing the guilt, shame, and deep fear threatening to choke her, Madelaine tore her eyes away from the innocent little angel playing next to her on the bed and looked straight at Evelyn. “I don’t remember everything.”
***
Madelaine had stayed in bed all day, nursing her headaches as they came and went, mostly talking to Simon—who had now made it his mission to make her remember Belle and what had happened. It was endearing, listening to his version of events, but Madelaine felt nothing but regret at having started this lie. She knew it was wrong. She knew it was a sin. She felt terrible for having betrayed her innocent little sister like that.
When Evelyn knocked on the door a few hours later, announcing that the doctor had arrived, Madelaine was grateful for the distraction. At the same time, she was anxious, having to lie yet again, because the doctor knew who she was. He’d been there when her mother had given birth to both of her siblings.
Evelyn picked up little Belle to bring her out of the room during the exam, but Simon insisted on staying, as he felt that it was his duty to protect and help his big sister remember things that might be important.
Doctor McPhearson was a former medical scholar at Cambridge University in England and had immigrated to theWest almost a decade ago. The elderly man with a thick mop of white hair walked into the room the way he always did, leaning on his walking stick with the polished silver duck head handle, carrying a heavy-looking brown leather bag with all of his instruments. His bright blue eyes were still as spritely as they must have been when he’d been a young man.
As soon as he saw Madelaine, his face broke into a huge smile. “Hello, Maddie! What have you gotten yourself into, young lady?” he greeted her with humor.
Madelaine smiled nervously at him. “I don’t know,” she said honestly.
Should she pretend not to knowhim,too? Wouldn’t that take things too far?
Guilt was gnawing at her like a beaver building a new dam.
Putting his bag onto the bed next to her, the doctor immediately lifted his hand, feeling her forehead. “Good temperature. Good temperature. That’s a good sign.”
Simon sat right next to Madelaine and watched intently as the doctor opened his bag.
“And how are you today, Simon? Everything all right?” he asked.
Simon nodded eagerly, then shrugged his tiny shoulders. “Well, I am all right. But Maddie isn’t. She has lost her brain when she fell,” he said matter-of-factly.
Doctor McPhearson raised his bushy white eyebrows in bewilderment. “What do you mean, Simon? Please explain yourself, boy.”
“Well…” Simon was clearly searching for the right words but came up short. “She can’t remember Belle.”
His face was distraught, and Madelaine was close to telling him that she, in fact, did remember their little sister, but then the doctor put two of his fingers against her neck to feel her pulse, and she didn’t speak. Pulling out his pocket watch, he opened the ornate piece and started counting as he watched the clock face.
Nobody said a peep until he was finished.
“Is this true, Madelaine? You don’t remember… Belle?” Once again, Doctor McPhearson raised his eyebrows as he looked at her questioningly.
Not really sure how to answer that, Madelaine opened her mouth, but it was Simon who came to her rescue. “She can’t remember most of what happened. Just bits and pieces,” he supplied, ever so helpfully.
The doctor nodded in acknowledgement. “Do you remember me?” he asked tentatively, looking straight at his patient.
The desperate look on Madelaine’s face seemed to suffice, because the doctor didn’t wait for her answer.
“It’s all right, my dear,” he said and patted her hand. “This might just be a temporary thing, you know?”
Then, he asked her to sit upright so he could listen to her breathing.
Simon watched with wide eyes as the doctor pulled out his stethoscope.
“Please take a deep breath for me, dear.”
Madelaine did as instructed, and while the doctor took his time listening to her breathing in several different places on her front and back, her mind kept racing as she tried to figure out what to do. All of this didn’t feel right, and the guilt kept piling up.Please God, forgive me.
