“You’re my wife. You are supposed to do the cooking using what’s available on the farm, not spending all my money at once. You are supposed to provide three meals a day,” Mark said indignantly.
Layla snapped back, “And I did provide your meal today.” She took a deep breath, and Mark could tell that she was trying to controlhertemper. “Mark, I promise this will not be a daily occurrence. My father insisted that I bring some goodies back home with me. Before you make yourself further unhappy with the situation, just give the food a try. I know you’ll like it.”
Mark swirled his spoon through the dark, rich gravy. The smell was enticing, and he figured he could either eat this or nothing. He took a small taste and was surprised. The meat was tender, and it shredded easily in his mouth. The thick sauce had a hint of pepper, which Mark liked. Slowly, the tension in his neck eased. Taking a deep breath, he took a second taste eagerly. After chewing, he said quietly, “You’re right. It is delicious. I’m sorry for overreacting.”
“Uh-huh,” Layla said as she ate her portion. Throughout the meal, Layla interacted with Heath and asked if Mark wanted more bread, but other than that, supper was a silent affair.
Mark scraped the last bite of pie off the plate and into his mouth. “I really did enjoy that supper, Layla. I was just taken aback by the whole situation.”
Layla nodded at him and rose from her seat. As she gathered the dirty dishes, she looked down at Mark. “I was thinking that tonight you could get Heath ready for bed. You could see to washing him properly and read him his bedtime story. I left my Bible in his room, or you can recite one by heart.”
“No,” Mark said flatly. He did not want to get into this with Layla right now. He just wanted the evening to end so they could try for something better tomorrow.
“Mark,” Layla stated his name curtly, but her eyes were pleading. “I don’t understand why you don’t want to read to Heath from the Bible. He loves it so, and I think he would benefit from having you—”
“I’m not interested, Layla. If you want to teach the boy about those tales from the Bible, then you may. I won’t stop you, but I won’t spend my time teaching my child that kind of nonsense.”
“Nonsense?” Layla said, and her dark eyebrows shot up. “What do you mean ‘nonsense’?”
“We may live in the same house, Layla, but we have very different interpretations on how things work in this world,” Mark explained, shaking his head. “You seem to believe that if you pray to God, He will watch out for you and keep you safe.”
“Yes, I do believe that God cares for me, just as He cares for all of His children,” Layla replied, moving her fists to her hips.
“Can’t you see how misguided that is, Layla?” Mark replied as he shook his head uncomprehendingly. “Take a look at your life. You say you believe that God in heaven cares about you and watches out for you because you do your best by Him and behave in a Christian fashion, but I can’t understand it. God stood idly by while your mother suffered and died, your father drank himself into a stupor, and you were forced into a marriage of convenience. Does that seem like something a benevolent God would do?”
Layla’s small frame shook, and Mark could tell that she was enraged by his words. “God does not have to prove Himself to me, and I don’t expect to have everything work out perfectly in my life just because I keep the faith. While many unfortunate events have unfolded in my life, I still consider myself blessed. Just today, I got to see my father. I made a new friend named Eliza and had the opportunity to spend a lovely day with that amazing little boy.” Layla gestured toward Heath, who was still sticking his fist into his piece of blueberry pie and sucking on it merrily.
Mark marveled at how his son seemed to tune out the disagreement he and Layla were having and felt guilty for raising his voice. He looked at Layla and could see that she was still agitated.
“I just don’t understand why you are being so disagreeable. I’m trying my best here. I work from the moment I get up until the second I fall asleep, so what does it matter to you if I believe in God? Why can’t I have my religion? It brings me comfort.”
Mark shook his head regrettably. “You think whatever you want, Layla. But I know that if God loved my son and me, we wouldn’t be in this predicament. My wife wouldn’t have abandoned us, and I wouldn’t be worried all day long because a woman I have only known for a few weeks has disappeared with my son for the day.”
He could tell that his words stung her as her blue eyes widened. “You’re wrong, Mark. God does love you. He loves Heath. He loves all of us.” She took a deep breath. Her tone softened considerably as she added, “If you believe in Him and give yourself to Christ, you will better understand.”
Not wanting to argue any longer, stepped around Layla and headed toward his office. Shutting the door behind him, he slumped down into the desk chair. He jerked a stack of papers in front of him but couldn’t bring himself to concentrate on them.
I shouldn’t have said that to her,Mark thought.I shouldn’t have called her faith into question. I know she’s trying.He was hit with incredible remorse about his behavior. While he had been upset with her before, he had never thought of attacking her religion. Layla was welcome to believe whatever she wanted, and he couldn’t well stop her, even if he wanted to.
His mind wandered aimlessly back to the last time he was this upset with his own behavior.
Trudie had been crying for so many hours Mark had lost track. He had been reluctant to leave her alone with the baby because she would refuse to pick Heath up every time she was with him.
I’m not feeling up to it,Trudie had said. He’d sat in the big armchair downstairs, rocking Heath back and forth, but the baby would not stop crying. Trudie shouted.Can’t you quiet that child just for a minute? I just need one moment of peace.Trudie broke out into sobs and fled from the room, leaving Mark and Heath in her wake.
He embraced the baby, and when Heath eventually fell asleep, Mark put him into the cradle beside him and went to find Trudie. Mark had finally located her because of her weeping. She was upstairs in Heath’s bedroom, kneeling in front of his crib. Her hands were over her face, and she was rocking back and forth as she cried. Without looking up at Mark, she whispered,I can’t do this.
Trudie,Mark had said, moving swiftly across the room to be at her side. He knelt beside her.Everything is going to be fine. You are going to be the most wonderful mother, and when you feel like you need my help, I’ll give it. I’ll do anything you need.
I need …she shuddered,I don’t know what I need. I’m lost and confused. I want to just—Trudie scooted away from Mark.
Stung, he moved closer to her, trying to put his arm around her.
Don’t touch me, Mark!Trudie had shrieked forcefully.
It caught Mark entirely off-guard, and he reeled back.Trudie, dearest, please don’t push me away. I’m here for you, and I want to help you adjust to our new life with the baby.He had tried to speak in his softest, most soothing tone.
But that’s not what I want,she whispered. She wiped her face and lifted her head to gaze at him. Her eyes were bloodshot from the salty tears, and her hair was matted against the side of her face. He brushed back some of the stray strands, and she flinched but let him.
