***
Daniel tiptoed upstairs slowly to avoid waking up Matthew. The stairs were old and creaked unavoidably as he made his way.
Matthew meant the world to him, and he was thankful the boy had survived the disaster that took his wife. Daniel didn’t like to remember the events, the horror, and the pain he felt when he heard about the bank robbery and how Mary Jane used her body to shield their son from the gunshots. As much as he loved Matthew with all his heart, the boy was a constant reminder of Mary Jane, whom he resembled. Daniel felt his throat constrict and he stopped on the stairs, closing his eyes until the memory passed
The boy lay sleeping peacefully in his crib, lovingly handcrafted by Daniel’s father in anticipation of his first grandchild. It was a beautiful walnut rocking crib with a high headboard, beautifully carved, and slatted sides.
Daniel reached out and softly stroked the little boy’s silky soft arm. Matthew stirred and sighed as he resettled in his slumber. He was a little blessing, and all that Daniel had left. How he wished things were different, as he and Mary Jane had planned. Sorrowfully, Daniel tucked a blanket around his son and quietly left the room.
Daniel made his way downstairs and remembered that he had a small bottle of port hidden in the medical cabinet in his father’s study. The thought of it buoyed his spirits.
His father’s study was just past the stairs in the far corner of the house. Daniel had not allowed anyone to enter the room since his father’s passing. Only Elizabeth was permitted to dust and clean there. Daniel could faintly smell the rich scent of his father’s tobacco and leather furniture.
He ran his hand over the chestnut table with drawers filled with papers and stacks of books on top—the books Daniel had never bothered to read. The old leather club chair his father always used was pushed against the table. Smiling, he remembered how long his father had waited to get that chair. He had seen it in an advert and waited weeks until it finally arrived, packed in a wooden crate and padded with straw.
The brass gas lamp was still on the right side of the desk and Daniel’s eyes fell on his father’s well-used King James Bible still opened toPsalm 31:24,his father’s favorite verse.He leaned forward to read the verse aloud despite the stinging in his eyes,Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the Lord.
Courage, Daniel thought. His father’s last words to him were to have courage, live in faith, and trust in the Lord, always. He blinked his eyes clear and made his way to the medical cabinet. Through its glass he could see the medicine all neatly labeled and sorted. Thoughts of his father flooded his mind as he opened the cabinet.
As a boy he would run around the office, pretending to be a doctor, wearing the stethoscope around his neck while his father pretended to be a sick patient.
He pushed those thoughts from his mind and buried the pain, finding the small bottle of port hidden behind the bottles of medicine, just where he’d left it. Minding the fragile cabinet doors, he removed the port and neatened the medicine bottles before he locking the cabinet once again.
In the dining room he sat on one of the oak armchairs. Elizabeth had already set the table and he poured a little port in a small crystal stemware glass. The table was covered with a crisp linen cloth to cover the chips and scrapes it suffered over the years, which made Daniel think once again about either replacing the table or having it refinished.
Daniel heard Elizabeth’s soft steps. “You need to eat, Daniel,” she said gently, setting a large plate before him laden with beef, potatoes, beans, and bread, along with a cup of strong coffee. “You need to stay healthy. You must take care of yourself; you know this.”
“Just let me be,” he waved a hand, trying to ignore the worry on her face. He didn’t want her worrying about him or pitying him. Usually, he would drink the coffee first; instead, he refilled his glass with the last of the port. There wasn’t much left in the bottle anyway. “See, Elizabeth. There is no more port.”
“Daniel,” Elizabeth sat on one of the dining room chairs. “I miss your father, too. Everyone does. Do you not see how you are destroying yourself?”
“Elizabeth, thank you, but I’m not hungry,” Daniel insisted and lifted the glass to his lips, feeling the last of the warm liquid trickle down his throat.
“I’m worried about you,” she murmured. “Everyone is worried; the church is praying for you.”
“That’s great,” Daniel scoffed and added bitterly, “did they pray for my father?”
He remembered when they had regularly attended church, read from the Bible, and prayed. He remembered that as a boy his father would pray with him every night. They prayed for protection, prayed for the sick, and to grow in their faith.
“Daniel!” He heard her sharp intake of breath and her voice change to a higher pitch, “How could you? If your father could hear you now, he would be most disappointed.” She stood and he saw sadness cross her face. “What happened to you? Have you really lost your faith? We all go through troubles, but in prayer we overcome them.”
How could Elizabeth possibly know the pain he felt, and how alone? He couldn’t speak of it; he had to be strong for himself and Matthew. He knew she may be right, but he was convinced he had forgotten how to pray.
“Is there a God, Elizabeth? Did prayer help my father recover?” He looked at her in despair, bitterness in his voice.
All her talk of prayer, faith and God. His father had been loyal and faithful, too, and where was he now?
He heard her sigh softly. “He is safe with the Lord now, Daniel. He is no longer suffering.”
“I don’t want to talk about it!” His fist struck the tabletop so hard it vibrated. No one knew better than he did how much his father had suffered.
“Think of Matthew,” Elizabeth urged, and Daniel saw tears in her eyes. “He needs his father more than ever.”
Daniel’s outburst woke Matthew, who began to wail.
“I’m turning in for the night, Daniel,” she told him. “Tomorrow morning, I’ll go to town and get the flour.” She smiled crookedly and he saw her look of pity. “I cannot wait another day to make more formula for Matthew.”
Daniel nodded, grimacing. “Buy more glass bottles for him if you need extras.”
