Maeve scowled at her, and Nessa flinched as she realized how her observation might have sounded. She hadn't intended to be hurtful and mean. This was always the way when she tried to speak to her sisters, or, really, to anyone.
But Breana simply smiled. "I've been thinkin' about that a lot," she said. "And Eoin and I have been discussin' it. Neither one of us wish tae be associated with the Darach name any longer. Eoin's mother's maiden name was Kerr, and she was the last of her line. We intend tae go tae Cailean and ask him tae recognize us adoptin' that name as our own."
Nessa tilted her head in surprise. "Ye… are?" she asked. The very concept seemed alien to her. How could Eoin be willing to simply abandon the name of his father, regardless of how awful the man had been? Nessa had known her whole life that to be an O'Sullivan was everything. Surely Eoin had been raised the same way.
Breana nodded. "We've tolerated it for a month or so since our marriage, and honestly we'd likely have let it go on longer. But…" She leaned forward.
Maeve shook her head. "Bre, she doesnae need tae ken all of that."
Irritation stabbed at Nessa's skin. "What if Iwanttae ken?" she demanded.
Breana kept talking serenely, not acknowledging her sisters' building conflict. She'd always been the peacekeeper. "Ye cannae tell anyone, mind, nae even Eoin until I'm sure. It'll take a few months before I can be certain. But… och, Nessa, it's excitin'. The moon's cycle hasnae come tae me this month."
It took Nessa several moments to understand, and then she stared in shock that Breana would so openly speak of something of the sort. "Ye mean… ye think ye might be…?"
"There's nae way of kennin' until there's a quickenin', and that will take several months," Breana explained eagerly. "But oh! Can ye imagine! A new bairn with a new name, the first generation tae live in a whole new Scotland."
Nessa could not even begin to understand the emotions swelling through her now. Could her sister truly be carrying a child? It seemed an impossible thing, an absurd thing. She imagined Breana holding a little child in her arms, Eoin at her side, and it was a picture so perfect that Nessa almost wanted to cry. A scene so full of love and adoration… that was nothing like the world as Nessa had been taught it truly was.
"Ye seem so sure of a new Scotland," Nessa said eventually, retreating back into the neutrality which had long since be the only place she could control her emotion. "Perhaps ye should consider what the child's life will be like if Cailean's campaigndoesnaesucceed."
Maeve scoffed. "Aye. Nae surprise ye'd say a thing like that."
"I'm just tryin' tae be practical!" Nessa retorted. She folded her arms protectively across her chest. "Ye dinnae want Breana talkin' tae me, and ye're nae interested in anythin' I have tae say. Why are ye here?"
Breana looked worriedly between the two of them. "Now, sisters, dinnae?—"
"I'm here because I believe in somethin', which is more than ye've done yer whole life," Maeve replied sharply. "I'm glad ye're safe, I truly am. I fought hard tae get ye back. But I had hoped ye might have changed. I see now that I was mistaken."
Nessa glared at her. "Why am I here, then?" she demanded. "Breana wanted her sister back, but what ofye, Lady McNair? This is yer castle now. Am I yer prisoner? Yer hostage? Is that what this is—am I simply a pawn for ye tae begin negotiations with the king?"
"Ye are our sister," Breana insisted. "Ye're the bairn I held when ye were too small tae even grip on tae a finger. Ye're the wee lassie who used tae listen tae Maeve tellin' stories and hope we didnae see ye. Ye're the young woman who wept when I was bein' taken away tae marry Kyle Darach."
There was no way that Nessa could respond. Her heart was thudding in her ears and she could feel herself shaking. She had no idea that Breana had seen her moment of weakness that day.
"We would never use ye," Breana told her softly. "Never. We willnae even keep yer room locked for more than a week or so, we'll?—"
"That all depends on yer behavior," Maeve interrupted, cold distrust in every word. "What ye are here depends on ye yerself. How much can ye trust that?"
Nessa tightened her arms around herself. That was not a question to which she wanted to think the answer to. "I dinnae understand what ye want," she said finally in a small, strained voice.
"What doyewant?" Breana asked kindly.
"I'd be interested tae ken that as well," Maeve added. "Whatdoye want?"
It was too much. It was far, far too much. The tightness she'd been feeling exploded and her carefully contained feelings towered over her in a threatening wave then crashed down, dragging her under the surface. She lost herself in a confusing tumult of pain and hurt and fear.
"I dinnae ken!" she shouted, her voice echoing around her skull, her eyes screwed shut. "I dinnae ken what I want anymore, all right? I dinnae ken anythin'. Is that what ye want tae hear?"
There was silence for a long moment, then footsteps. A gentle hand was placed on Nessa's leg. Nessa opened her eyes after some time and saw Breana crouched in front of her, looking up at her with concern.
"What do ye mean?" Breana asked. "Tell us."
Nessa shook her head. She wanted to cry, but she hadn't done so in years. She wasn't even sure that she remembered how to do so. "I… I spent me whole life believin' that the king would be our salvation. That me father was a great man, and a strong one. That me life would excel beyond me wildest dreams if I was ever given the chance tae be the next queen. But it's all wrong."
"Ye've gotten exactly that," Maeve observed.
"Aye, and what has it shown me?" Nessa asked bitterly. "Our father is dead because the kingkilledhim. He branded him a traitor. Father was many things, but above all he was loyal tae Edric Ashkirk. How could he be treated this way?"
