“I dinnae know what to think about it,” he confessed.
“It?” James probed. “Orher?”
The sky was blue as Ewan stared at where it peeked through the haze of clouds. It was infuriating. Why did the sky have to look so cheerful when Ewan wanted so badly to throttle something?
“It’s both,” he said.
He had to force himself to be honest. James was the only person with whom he could be so frank. To everyone else, he owed a burden of responsibility. He had to show his father that he could be a worthwhile successor, had to present a strong face to the rest of the clan. His mother and his sister relied on him, too.
He might technically be James’ future laird, too, but they’d grown up together. James was as close to a brother as Ewan had ever had.
“It’s the circumstance that bothers me more,” he said. This was true, but only by a slight margin. “I dinnae like the stink of this thing with the bastard brother, Finlay Gordon.”
Even the taste of it was sour in Ewan’s mouth.
“Aye,” James said. “Hunting down women. It’s nae sporting, nae honorable. Never mind the poison. The whole thing is written in cowardice and treachery.”
He sounded as disgusted as Ewan felt, which reinforced his decision to confide in James. He always had been able to trust his friend to speak his mind truthfully. It was what made him such a good captain of the guard—and such a good person to help sort through this mess.
“Indeed. And I dinnae like to think how a man like that might fight. I dinnae know who might be fightin’ for his side. And that means that I dinnae know what this battle ahead might cost the clan.”
“Hm.” James’ pause was thoughtful. “Well, I dinnae think it’s my pride speaking when I say that I wouldnae wager against the Buchanan men against any foe.”
“I daresay we’ll come out ahead,” Ewan agreed. “But I do still fear the losses. And I have no doubt therewillbe losses.”
“There always are,” James agreed somberly. “But what about the lass, then? A wedding is nae a death sentence, and sheismighty bonny.”
“Watch yourself,” Ewan growled.
“Ah, so clearly ye find her hideous,” James deadpanned.
Without looking over, Ewan punched his friend soundly in the shoulder. James laughed.
“All I’m saying,” his friend went on, “there are worse reasons to risk trouble than for the sake of a good woman.”
Ewan let out a humorless sound. “Except she doesnae want me, doesnae want to marry me.”
“She did come here to ye,” James pointed out.
“Aye, for the sake of her clan,” Ewan said impatiently. “And while I cannae fault her for her sense of duty to her people, it doesnae spell a happy marriage. She rejected me the once. She made it clear enough that I am of no interest to her.”
“She made that clear, what? Ten years gone now? Things can change.”
Ewan sighed. “Mayhap. But I dinnae like any of it. As my wife, I will protect her and hers. That means war. And we can bear it, but I dinnae like feeling that we are forced into it.”
“And yer pride doesnae like the blow, either?” James suggested, not unkindly.
Ewan closed his eyes.
“Perhaps not. But I see I am left without a choice. So I shall have no recourse but to bear it.”
CHAPTER SIX
A quick washand an even quicker bite of food later, and Ewan found himself at Ailsa’s door. He raised his fist for the dozenth time since he’d come down the hallway minutes before.
Christ, he felt like both a fool and a coward.
He knew he needed to talk to Ailsa. He just didn’t know what the hell he needed to say.
