"Are ye all right?"
Breana blinked, startled by the voice interrupting her, and looked up to see Eoin standing at the door to the library. He was leaning against the frame, watching her closely. She smiled to see him despite her inner turmoil. He'd helped save her from his father, and in the aftermath of Kyle Darach's death, the two of them had bonded. Eoin had gone through a complex time after the execution of his evil father; he had spared no tears for the man, but neither could he pretend that he was absolutely fine with what had happened. Breana, who knew what it was to bethe child of a tyrant, had been there to comfort him, in thanks for all he had done to save her. They had become friends, perhaps her first true friend outside of her sister, though she still found it hard to believe that he didn't just feel responsible for her.
"Eoin," she acknowledged. "I'm just…drawin'. Sorry."
"Sorry for what? Ye're free tae draw," Eoin said with a small laugh. "Ye ken ye dinnae need tae apologize for existin', Breana."
He was trying to be kind, but Breana felt a wave of shame go through her. She wished she could explain what was going on inside her mind and why that sense of inadequacy lingered, but she knew that if she tried to explain, he would just try to comfort her. She didn't know that anyone would ever see her as an equal even with all her flaws. Maybe if they did, she'd find her strengths—if she had any at all.
Eoin walked over to stand behind her and peered over her shoulder to examine her map. "That's impressive," he said, with a sincerity in his voice that took Breana back. "Is this an accurate map?"
"As accurate as I could make it from me wanderin's and the reference books," Breana told him cautiously. Was he going to make fun of her?
But he did nothing of the sort. Instead, he seemed truly fascinated as he continued. "It's good. Better than some of the things our cartographer managed durin' the journeys. Ye should show them yer work, see if?—"
"No, no, it's just for fun," Breana said hastily, her cheeks burning with embarrassment. "I'm naewhere near good enough tae be able tae offer real help."
Eoin tutted, but he didn't outwardly argue. Instead, he said, "Did ye want tae come and get some food? Ye missed the midday meal, so I asked the cooks tae save ye a plate. It's important ye keep yer strength up."
It was Breana's turn to laugh gently. "I've never missed a meal in me life except by choice, Eoin. I'll nae starve for skippin' a few. I'm nae as delicate as I seem, ye ken."
Eoin slipped into the seat next to her, and she turned, meeting his eyes. They were deep blue and large, owlish and intense, and she found them warm and welcoming in a way she'd never really experienced before. His auburn hair was dark, reminding her of the color of the leaves in the autumn, and he was soft and warm and friendly in a way that made it hard to keep up her shield around him.
"I never said ye were delicate," Eoin told her. "I was tryin' tae compliment yer map."
Breana broke eye contact, feeling overwhelmed for reasons she didn't really understand. "Thank ye for the compliment. But I'm really nae very hungry. If we have a spare plate, can ye send it with the rest of the food we usually send down tae the village?"
He was still watching her, concern in those eyes. "Only if ye promise me ye'll eat dinner."
"I swear it," she said, though it was mostly just to make him happy. She didn't really have much of an appetite these days.
Eoin nodded. He paused, then said, "Do…do ye mind if I stay? I'd love tae see the way ye draw."
Stay,said the voice inside Breana's mind, eager to have him by her side in a way she'd never really experienced before. She found things easy with him, and to have him here would be a comfort when she was otherwise feeling so adrift. But when she opened her mouth, the words that came out were, "Ye should go. Ye have much tae do around here, and I'm just drawin'."
Eoin's smile faltered, and Breana wanted to take it back. But instead, they sat there in awkward silence for a moment, until at last he let out a small sigh and nodded. He stood up and headed toward the door.
"Eoin, wait."
He turned back. "Aye?"
"Have…have ye heard anythin' about Maeve? And the others?" Breana asked. It had only been a few days, so she wasn't expecting anything, but she would never forgive herself if she didn't ask.
A flicker of something showed in Eoin's eyes. It almost looked like disappointment. But a moment later, he smiled and said, "Nae news yet, but I'm nae worried. If anyone can manage tae get the country together again, it's Cailean and Maeve."
Breana nodded, though she felt a strange tightness in her heart again. Yes, she believed that Eoin was right—her sister could do anything. Breana just wished she could say the same about herself.
Eoin hesitated, looking like he wanted to say more. Then he sighed and said, "I'll see ye at supper then."
"See ye at supper," Breana replied.
He left then, and she was suddenly aware of how quiet the library was with just her in it. Why hadn't she asked him to stay? She'd wanted to. But instead, here she was, alone with just her map, no news of her sister, no way to help.
Tears filled Breana's eyes, and she wiped them away in frustration. She was being ridiculous and she knew it. Why couldn't she just say what she wanted? Why couldn't she just find the place where she fit?
She peered at her map, squinting at it, trying to understand what was wrong. Eoin had said it was impressive, but Breana knew there was something not right with it. Looking closer, she realized the issue in a flash—the area around the forest was missing a lot of detail, detail that wasn't present in any of the maps that already existed in the castle.
That was something she could do. She'd go for a walk in the forest now to clear her head and maybe take note of some of thedetail that were missing. Maybe then, she'd feel like she had a place—even if that place was just outside the walls of the castle.
