“It’s all on me,” he murmurs, his thumb tracing the line of my jaw. “I shouldn’t have said it like that. You don’t owe me anything, Gypsy. I know that.”
“But you did say it. Youdohold it against me,“ I snap, though my voice falters, less sure than before.
I hate the way my thoughts spiral, the way Zayan Cagney makes me feel accountable for everything I try to push aside. I don’t regret much in this life, but he... he makes me regret things I can’t even name.
His hand drops from my face, and for a moment, he looks as lost as I feel. Like he’s unraveling right in front of me, showing a part of himself that he usually keeps hidden. There’s a crack in his armor, one that lets me see the truth he’s always tried to mask with his cocky grins and reckless bravado. It’s just... him. Raw, stripped of everything he hides behind.
“I said it in anger,” he admits, voice quieter now, almost broken. “I didn’t mean it. I never wanted to make you feel like that.”
He hesitates, then takes a step back, his hand hanging at his side like he doesn’t know what to do with it. And damn him for it, because I can feel myself softening—just a little, just enough to hurt.
“I just…” His words trail off, and for a moment, he looks like he’s trying to catch the right ones, but they keep slipping through his fingers. “It always feels like I’m chasing you, Gypsy. Like no matter how close I get, you’re always slipping away. Onesecond you’re in my arms, and the next you’re gone, and I can’t help but want to catch you all over again. To just... hold on a moment longer.”
His voice cracks, and it cuts deeper than I’d like to admit. “I don’t know what it is. I never fucking knew. But what would you do if you were me? If you felt this pull to something as wild as the wind, knowing they were about to do something that would take them away for good?”
There it is. Laid bare between us. That unspoken truth we’ve been dancing around for far too long.
I open my mouth, but the words stick, clawing at my throat like they don’t want to come out. But I say them anyway, because if I don’t, I’ll… I’ll just break. “I’d probably act the same if it were you.”
I said it. I fucking said it. The weight that’s been sitting heavy on my heart, dragging me down, is finally out.
His eyes snap back to mine, surprise flickering in their mossy depths. “What did you just say?”
“I said,” I repeat, my voice firmer now, “I’d act the same. If it were you.” I pause, letting the words sink in, watching the way they hit him like a wave. “Because that’s what you do for people you care about. And I care about you, Zayan. I do.”
His breath catches, but I keep going, because I’m not done yet. “But you have to understand something.” I step closer, my eyes locked on his. “You can’t pin me down. You can’t hold me in place and expect me to stay there, waiting for you. I’m not that kind of person. I’m not someone you lock away. I’m a pirate, Zayan.”
My palms are slick with sweat, and my mouth feels dry as bone, my breath coming in shallow gasps.
“A pirate, huh?” he repeats. “Well, I’m a pirate too. And pirates… we could look out for each other.”
The way he says it, it’s like it’s simple. I’ve told myself a hundred times he’s not mine, that he’s dreaming of some village girl, not me. Anything to keep from admitting that maybe, just maybe, I actually want him.
But I can’t dream about him. Not when I’ve built walls around my soul, a goddamn iron vest to keep anyone from getting in. I don’t want to be the woman who bleeds, the one who feels too much. I need to be fierce, untouchable.
So, why do my lips move on their own accord?
“We could,” I exhale “We really could. But… we also need our freedom. You can’t expect me to be something I’m not.”
It’s the truest thing I’ve ever said. Truth hurts.
“Fuck, don’t you get it?” His voice roughens as he cups my face again, and just like that, the world tips. His touch feels forbidden, like back in the old days when it was wrong. “I don’t expect you to be anything other than what you are, Gypsy. I never have. I just don’t want to lose you. Not to this goddamn compass. Not to the Lady. Not to anything. Or anyone.”
His words hang between us, heavy and fragile, like they could shatter at any moment.
I swallow the knot in my throat and force a smirk. “Yeah?” My voice drips with sarcasm, my armor flaring up because I don’t know what to do with the rawness he’s throwing at me. “You don’t want me to be some soft, gentle thing? A girl you can tuck away, safe from danger so you can have me all to yourself?”
His jaw clenches, but he shakes his head. “I don’t.” His eyes lock onto mine, fierce, unrelenting. “I swear, I don’t. I just want to be right there next to you when you shine.” His laugh is hollow, bitter. “Burn the fucking world if you need to. Just let me watch.”
I feel a crack in the armor I’ve built around myself. A thin line after another, a piece of the iron loses against his rawness.
What the fuck am I supposed to do now? This conversation is slipping out of my control, spiraling somewhere I didn’t want it to go. But seeing him like this… I’m breaking.
I force myself to speak, my voice a little too tight. “Okay.” The word barely comes out. I swallow hard, trying to find the ground beneath my feet again. “So…”
What the hell am I supposed to say to him? My heart is slamming against my ribs, my hands shaking like I’ve lost my grip on everything I thought I could handle.
“So, I’m sorry, Gypsy,” he says, and his eyebrows pinch together like he’s fighting himself. One hand moves to his chest, over his heart. “I mean it. You’re the strongest person I’ve ever met. Stronger than Silverbeard, Roche, that lunatic we just tangled with—stronger than me, Gypsy. And I don’t want you to change. I just want to be there with you. To fight with you. To be part of whatever the hell this is between us.”
