"I'm not?—"
"Not of us," he continued, talking over me, his voice dropping to something almost thoughtful. "You stopped being scared of us weeks ago. No, you're terrified of yourself. Of how much you like it here. Of how easy it would be to just... give in."
His words hit too close to home. I felt tears prick my eyes and blinked them back furiously.
"So you're pulling away," Leo said, his voice going soft, almost gentle, a tone I'd rarely heard from him. "Testing us. Seeing if we'll let you go." He took another drag, watching me through the smoke, his pale eyes unreadable. "We won't, you know. You can fight all you want, but you're not going anywhere."
"That's the problem," I whispered before I could stop myself, the words slipping out raw and unguarded. Leo went still. Through the bond, I felt his surprise, then something sharper. Understanding.
"Ah." He flicked ash off the porch railing, his expression shifting into something almost soft. "You need to know it's a choice." I looked at him, startled by how accurately he'd read me. "I get it," he said with a shrug, but there was something raw beneath his casual tone, something that cracked through hisusual armor. "I spent years running from David, from this pack, from everything I was supposed to be. Told myself I'd never let anyone cage me." His lips twisted into a bitter smile. "Then you came along, and suddenly the cage didn't feel like a cage anymore."
"How did you know?" I asked quietly, searching his face for answers I wasn't sure existed. "That you wanted to stay?"
"I didn't," he admitted, meeting my eyes, and for once there was no mockery in his gaze, no sharp edges. Just honesty. "I just got tired of running. One day I woke up and realized that staying didn't feel like surrender anymore. It felt like home."
I wanted to believe him,to trust that I could find that same peace. There was a voice in my head that wouldn't stop screaming. A voice that sounded like the girl I used to be, the one who would rather die than submit.
You have to know, it said.You have to be sure.
That night, I lay awake in the nest, surrounded by their warmth, their scents, their steady breathing.
Mason's arm was heavy across my waist. Caleb was pressed against my back, his face buried in my hair. Leo's hand rested on my hip, possessive even in sleep. Ethan was slightly apart, but I could feel his attention through the bond, always monitoring, always aware.
I was drowning, not in them. No it was the battle, the constant push and pull. Resist, and they claimed harder. Submit, and I lost another piece of myself. There was no winning, no equilibrium, no way to be both theirs and mine.
I could stop fighting. Surrender completely, let myself dissolve into them, become the Omega they'd always wanted. Maybe I'd even be happy. Maybe I'd forget that I'd ever wanted anything else.
Or I could fight forever. Keep testing, keep pulling away, keep clawing for scraps of autonomy while they tightened their grip. Watch us all destroy each other, slowly, inevitably.
Or...
There was a third option.
I could run. One more time. Not forever, just long enough to prove I could. Long enough to break free of this haze and think clearly. Long enough to know, with absolute certainty, whether staying was a choice or just another form of surrender.
I needed to know it was a choice. If I got out and wanted to come back, that was my answer. I could give myself to them completely, without reservation, without that screaming voice in my head telling me I was weak.
If I got out and wanted to stay gone, that was my answer too. At least I'd know. I just needed to know. The decision settled into my chest like a stone, heavy and immutable. I closed my eyes, forced my breathing to stay even, and began to plan.
I'm sorry, I thought, feeling their contentment through the bond, their absolute certainty that I was finally, truly theirs.I have to know. In the darkness of the nest, surrounded by the men who had claimed me body and soul, I started counting exits again.
CHAPTER FORTY
AVA
I became a spy in my own life.
It started the morning after I made my decision. I woke in the nest, surrounded by their warmth, and instead of letting myself sink into it, I started cataloging. Mason's arm across my waist, he always slept on my left. Caleb at my back, he woke if I moved too quickly. Leo's hand on my hip, possessive even unconscious, but he slept deepest of all. Ethan, slightly apart, his breathing too even to be truly asleep.
Ethan was the problem. Ethan was always the problem.
I extracted myself slowly, carefully, murmuring something about needing the bathroom. Caleb stirred but didn't wake. Mason's arm tightened briefly before relaxing. Leo didn't move at all. Ethan's eyes flickered open, tracking me across the room before closing again.
He was always watching. Always aware. If I was going to do this, I needed to figure out when he wasn't.
The first week was observation.
I watched them the way a prey animal watches predators, cataloging patterns and weaknesses while pretending to be tame. Mason left for supply runs every few days, usually taking Leo with him. Caleb spent hours in his workshop, lost in his carvings, but he had an uncanny sense for my moods. If I was anxious, he appeared at my side like he'd been summoned.
