“What does that mean?”
That he would get tired of my problems and leave. Like Mike. Like my dad. “I can’t imagine that it’s really your pleasure to have to listen to me whine and complain.”
“You think you whine and complain? Annie calls me to gripe when she thinks someone has taken her spot on the floor at yoga.”
I started to laugh through my tears. “We all have our problems,” I said. I heard movement upstairs. “I have to go. I have to help Cassie.”
He was quiet for a minute, then said something under his breath.
“What did you say? I think you cut out.”
“Nothing,” Luke answered quickly. “Call me when you can. Or text me, let me know you got the car.”
“I will.” I didn’t want to let him go. “Bye.”
Cassie was in the bathroom when I got upstairs. I waited outside the door until I heard her start to open it, then dashed into the hall. She hated it when I hovered.
“Emmy,” she called. “I know you’re right there.”
“Oh, did you need me?” I casually walked into her bedroom.
“You’re the worst liar in the world. Do you remember when you came up here? I told you to make up a story about why you came to town, something that made you sound interesting and exciting. But you totally whiffed it.”
I did remember well. The kids in my class had asked me why I was starting school in November, and I couldn’t lie. I ended up not saying anything, which had made their imaginations run wild. Lying would have been better.
“I want to go outside,” Cassie said restlessly. “Help me downstairs.”
We walked slowly down, then out the back door and to the bench in the moon garden. I tucked a blanket around her shoulders, and put another one over her lap. “Do you need the basin? Water? Are you hungry?”
Cassie just closed her eyes. After a minute, she opened them and looked at me. “Why do you do it?”
“Ask too many questions? Sorry.”
She shook her head. “No, why do you do this? Do any of this?”
“I don’t know what you mean,” I answered.
Cassie shook her head again, then dragged her hand over her meager ponytail. “I want to shave my head. Will you help me?”
I nodded at her. “Yes. I think we have Grandpa Jack’s electric razor somewhere. That should work.”
“Will you shave your head with me?”
I gulped. I had a sudden vision of myself with Luke, running my hair over his naked body. It was ok, it would grow back. “Yes. If you want me to. Solidarity.”
Cassie breathed a disgusted sigh. “What’s wrong with you, Emmy? You would shave off your hair for me? Why are you such a pushover? You know I wouldn’t do this for you.”
I sat down on the bench. “Well, I wouldn’t ever ask you to cut your hair if our positions were reversed. Your hair is…was…so beautiful, shiny and curly. But it will come back.”
She sat up straight, glaring at me. “I don’t mean just cutting off my hair. I mean, I wouldn’t do any of it for you. If you had come to me pregnant like I did to you, I would have told you to get an abortion and shut the door on you.”
I felt like she had punched me.
“Then you come up here, working yourself to the bone, taking care of my kid. I don’t know what’s wrong with you.” She was crying.
I started to cry too. “I love you. I love you and Charlie.”
“I want you to take care of him.”
