He took another sip of beer, and didn’t answer.
“If you don’t come, I’ll need the car. Maybe you could come, help her out a little.” He still didn’t answer. “Where are you sleeping tonight? With Cassie?”
“I can’t touch her. She’s a bag of bones.”
I was struggling to keep my composure. “I’ll sleep with Charlie. Good night.”
I walked slowly up the stairs, and got my pjs and clothes for the next day out of my room, which looked like a tornado had been through it. I pushed Mike’s dirty clothes into a pile inthe corner with my foot, but that was all I was willing to do.
Charlie was already in bed. “Scoot over,” I told him, squeezing into the twin bed next to him. “Let’s see who can kick the least, ok? Goodnight, pal.” He cuddled up to me and sighed sleepily. I thought about Luke, alone in the big bed, with the soft sheets. I tried to hold onto good thoughts of him to get to sleep.
I didn’t need an alarm the next morning. I was already awake and thinking about the day, with Charlie draped all over me. I had definitely won the “who can kick the least” contest the night before. I crept out of bed and went to Cassie’s room.
She was awake too, sitting on the side of the bed. “Good morning,” I said softly.
Cassie looked up at me, her eyes sunken. “I’m not going today,” she said flatly. “I’m not doing it.”
I took a breath. “I know how hard it—”
“You don’t know. You don’t know at all.”
“You’re right. You’re right, I don’t know. But, Cass, you have to do it. This is what the doctor says to do, to help you to get better.
She rested her face in her hands. “I’m not doing it.”
“Let me get you some crackers to settle your stomach, and maybe you’ll feel up to it.”
I went to my bedroom door. “Mike! Mike, get up!” I knocked, then knocked louder. “Mike!”
He opened the door, scratching his stomach. I averted my eyes.
“Cassie doesn’t want to go to her chemo.”
“Yeah?”
“She has to! She has to if she wants to get well.” I waited. “I know you want her to get well, right?” Nothing. “So can you talk to her? Maybe she’ll feel better about going if you’re there.”
He nodded, scratching lower. Oh, good gracious. “I’ll talk to her.”
I nodded too, and hopped off to get into the shower first.
By the time I got out and got dressed, Charlie was making toast, and Cassie and Mike were also downstairs at the table. I walked in warily, wondering what it all meant.
“I’ll go to my appointment,” Cassie announced. “Mike wants to come and help me, so you don’t need to.”
“Oh, ok.” Thank goodness. She was going. “Well, Mike, can you drive Charlie and me, then come back to get Cassie? She needs to be there at ten. And then can you pick up Charlie and me at the Aquatic Center at five?” He looked very put-upon. I quickly continued. “Thanks so much, Mike, it’s so nice to have you back here to depend on.” I smiled at him, hoping I hadn’t left him an out.
So Mike dropped off Charlie, then drove me into town to the store. “Don’t forget to bring the basin,” I told him. “And here—” I handed him a handful of hard ginger candies. “She can suck on these. Make sure she drinks water too, because she gets really dehydrated. And when she’s feeling up to it, start with some crackers—”
“God damn it!” Mike yelled. “Will you just shut up? I’ll driveher to the fucking appointment, if you shut your bossy mouth!”
I got out of the Jeep. I had just managed to pull my bike out of the back and slam the door when Mike pulled away, squealing the tires and leaving me coughing up dust.
Martha was surprised to see me at work instead of at the hospital with my sister. “Mike took her,” I explained.
“Michael Finn?” she asked disapprovingly, as if there was another Mike that might be involved.
“The one and only.” I waited on pins and needles all morning for some word of how Cassie was doing. I tried to imagine only the best: Mike holding her hand, charming the nurses (he did have that side to him), giving Cassie ice chips to suck until she felt good enough for the drive home. Then, out of nowhere I would have vivid thoughts of Luke: smiling, pushing my hair back, kissing my stomach, and then his dark head moving lower—I needed an ice bath after that one.
