Whomp. Right back to earth.
“Oh. Ok. Well, I knew it was coming. It was super generous of you guys to let me use it.”
She twitched more. “I just wish there was something else I could do to help you, hon. What do you think you’ll do for a car?”
I had absolutely no idea. I had managed to temporarily push the problem out of my mind. “I’ll figure something out. It’s ok. I’ll figure it out.”
“Well, I hope this helps.” She handed me five crumpled twenty-dollar bills. “For the scrap for the Eldorado.”
I nodded. “Thank you.” Nana’s car was officially gone. I thought back to Nana driving it. She had been tall, like me and my dad, and blonde at one time too. When I knew her, she wore her pure white hair in a bun on the top of her head, and Cherries in the Snow lipstick at all times. She sat very straight in the seat, her hair so neat and prim, her Cherries in the Snow perfectly applied. Then she had driven that Eldorado as if the devil himself were chasing her. I had sat in the back seat, Loretta in the front, crossing herself and gently saying, “Maybe you should slow down, Emma.” Nana and I had washed the car together, waxed it, put special sealer on the tires. She had loved the El D. I carefully put the $100 in mywallet.
Every chance I got, I checked my phone, searching for a car that we could somehow afford. My only requirements were a working engine, a roof, and seats. Scratch that, seats optional. Ok, roof optional too. Basically I was after anything that could get us from point A to point B. If it didn’t have a roof we could wear thicker jackets. I could bungee cord us in for safety.
Something would come up. Luke and hot water. It was my mantra. Anything was possible.
I picked up Charlie and we headed over to the pool. The sky was still a leaden grey and Charlie was quiet.
“What’s up, pal?”
“I don’t want to talk.”
Ok.
He walked ahead of me into the pool, refusing to wait even when I tried the “dress right dress” line on him that he had loved with Luke. He was getting ready to go in when Coach Sean motioned me down to the pool deck.
“Hey, Emily. Listen, I wanted to tell you that the Board of Directors talked about your scholarship request.”
Oh no. I could tell by his face. My heart started beating a little harder.
“They aren’t able to give you any kind of reduction of fees or scholarship.”
“Thanks for letting me know,” I said. “I appreciate you asking.”
“There’s something else. A few things.” He paused. “As a coach, I expect my swimmers to be fully engaged in our program. By that I mean, coming to practices, coming to meets, trying hard. Putting in one hundred percent effort. This is also true for the Shark families.”
I was nodding like I knew what he was talking about. “All right. Engaged.”
“I’m concerned—and the Board backs me up on this—I’m concerned that you and your family are not really engaged in our program.”
Wait, what? “No, we are. We’re totally engaged.”
Coach Sean shook his head. “We don’t see it that way. Charlie didn’t come to the Midwest Age-Group Meet last month. He came only one day to the Winter Frost meet in January. Again, he only came for one day of the meet this past weekend and you didn’t bother to stay for the finals. He also missed the relay this weekend, letting down his teammates. And then you ask us for a scholarship? To be honest, the Board was a little shocked. Your request definitely called attention to your family’s dedication to the team, or the lack of it, I should say.”
I was shaking. What was he saying? Why was he saying this? Where was this coming from? The last time we had talked, he had been concerned that the boys were being mean to Charlie. “No, Coach Sean, listen, there’s just a lot going on with our family. My sister, his mom—”
“Emily, most people have problems. But we need you to put in the effort just like all the other families here. If you’re not able to, there are recreation league teams that might be a better fit for you. And Charlie. I want you to understand that these are reasons to ask a family to leave the program. Youdon’t seem to take much about this team seriously, and I need you to understand that the Board is very serious about this.”
“No, no, please. I do take this seriously. So does Charlie. He can’t lose this. He can’t lose swimming here. He loves it. I’ll fix it. We’ll come to all the meets. Please don’t say you’re kicking him off. I’ll do anything.” Please, I begged him silently. The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures…
Coach Sean looked at me, seeming to consider what I said. I was trying so hard not to cry. Hot water. Luke. Luke. He leadeth me beside still waters.
“I want you to know that I really like Charlie,” he said finally. “He’s a talented swimmer. You never know what will happen, he’s only seven, but I would say the future is bright for him in this sport.”
I nodded. Please, please. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. “Just let me know what I can do. I’ll make this work, I promise.”
“Well, consider this a probationary notice. Right now, we’ll keep things as they are, and I’ll keep the Board apprised of the progress with your commitment to the team. We can talk again at the Feeding Frenzy this weekend.” He nodded, and turned back to the kids. “Let’s line up!”
I slowly went back to where I had dropped my bag. Charlie was in line with Macdara, her arm around him. I felt sick with humiliation and anger. We were on probation. Who were these people, this Board of Directors? How dare they? I was trying to get him to the meets. I was trying to be a team player. I was trying my best, wasn’t I? They would keep Charlie from swimming? How much did he have to lose in his life? His grandma, his dad, his mom, everything? How dare they?
